The problem with cover songs -- basically songs performed by artists as somewhat of a "tribute" to the original artist who performed it -- is that nothing is sacred when it comes to what songs are being covered. There's nothing wrong with being a musician and liking a fellow contemporary of yours. But, I wouldn't necessarily perform one of Mozart's masterpieces when you're in a pop-punk band (unless you're THAT damn good).
As you'll see, time and time again, musicians love to cover other musicians' music, but this list is proof that it's not consensual love at all with cover songs; it's straight up statutory rape.
20. "Welcome to the Jungle" - Zombie Apocalypse
Originally performed by: Guns 'n Roses
Sure, Zombie Apocalypse's cover of "Welcome to the Jungle" got the same recognizable opening used to kick things off at big events, but around the 30-second mark, it goes horribly wrong. Even for a regular metalcore track, it sure sucks. I just don't see myself opening the pit for this sloppy mess. I'm guessing Zombie Apocalypse wanted to put out something that's a reflection of Axl Rose these days.
Click here to hear the song
19. "Holy Diver" - Pat Boone
Originally performed by: Dio
Without a doubt, Pat Boone is the King of the Cover Songs. Boone made his living by covering songs by black R&B musicians back in the 1950's like Fats Domino, Little Richard, and The Flamingos. But it was rather odd that Boone -- a self-proclaimed Christian/Bible Belt nut -- would release a heavy metal covers album in 1997. Hell, matter of fact, why he even cover Dio's "Holy Diver" in which the album's art has the devil giving the smack down on a priest is beyond me.
The problem with Boone's covering of "Holy Diver" is that the old bastard is taking himself seriously. There's something very "un-metal" hearing Pat Boone croon pretty poorly to Dio's classic with a full swing band orchestra supporting him. It's like finding yourself in a nursing home and all the old fogies are going gaga over an old Jerry Lee Lewis covering Slayer's "Angel of Death".
18. "This Means War (Iron Man)" - Busta Rhymes feat. Ozzy Osbourne
Originally performed by: Black Sabbath
Partially a cover song, but its fully crap. Busta's "lovely" take of arguably the most influential heavy metal song of all time is one good reason why rock and rap should never cross paths. Limp Bizkit is a byproduct of what happens when the two genres do cross.
I like Busta Rhymes when he makes those goofy music videos, but throughout the entire song, he really needs to shut the hell up as he rambles on and on. It gets ridiculously bad when Busta butchers one of Iommi's solos around the 3:29 mark.
Thankfully, the rest of Sabbath had the decent courtesy of not getting involved this metal-rap debauchery.
Click here to hear the song
17. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" by Patti Smith
Originally performed by: Nirvana
I don't know much about Patti Smith's other cover songs, but I do know she was smoking some pretty heavy stuff to decide it would be a great idea to cover Nirvana's cash cow of a song. "Uninspiring" would actually be too nice of a word to describe Smith's attempt to channel that teenage angst Kurt Cobain and Dave Grohl was trying to warn us about. But when you got what sounds like the Lilith Fair traveling jug band playing a grunge song, the results are rather messy.
Click here to hear the song
16. "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" - Peter Frampton & The Bee Gees
Originally performed by: The Beatles
Never mind the fact the goddamn Bee Gees covered The Beatles, the entire Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band is full of Beatles covers. However, it would take just about all the drugs in the world to at least understand what the hell is going on in this movie.
For you non-Beatles fans out there, back in 1970's RSO Records and Universal Pictures wanted to cash in on the Beatles' astronomical success, so they decided to produce a film solely based off of one of the Beatles' greatest albums, Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. As it becomes quite apparent as you begin watching this film, it was all very well ill-conceived it how the movie was written. For starters, we had Steve Martin (yes, THAT Steve Martin) belting his rendition of "Maxwell's Silver Hammer" plus an old George Burns serenading us with some classic Beatles tunes.
It's this particular cover song by the Bee Gees that is the first song featured in the film and should be good enough to show you how horrifying the results can be when you got the Bee Gees paired together with Peter Frampton in impersonating the Beatles.
And you wonder why rock fans threw riots over disco music in the 1970's.
Click here to hear the song
15. "Jingle Bell Rock" by Jillian Hall
Originally performed by: Burt Ives
World Wrestling Entertainment owner Vince McMahon needs to learn that if you're going to release a Christmas album that's suppose to be a joke, make sure it's...you know...funny.
There's this woman wrestler in the WWE named Jillian Hall who's gimmick revolves around intentionally having a terrible singing voice and bugs the fuck outta everyone. While its just about enough to make her a "heel" or someone people boo at, I think WWE really elevated her status as the ultimate villain by releasing an iTunes-exclusive Christmas album featuring her butchering a couple of classic Christmas songs like "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" and "Deck the Halls". She literally destroys Burt Ives' "Jingle Bell Rock" with "comedic" singing that only 8 year old wrestling fans would find funny.
Again, while this was all intended to be for shits and giggles, you get mostly the "bad" corny and cheesy stuff which makes her songs more annoying than goofy. To top it all off, you'll definitely look like a massive tool if you bought her album off of iTunes, even if you were going to give it as a prank gift to someone else.
14. "You Give Love a Bad Name" by Atreyu
Originally performed by: Bon Jovi
I already can't stand Bon Jovi, so it probably doesn't matter who really covers this song. Somehow Atreyu made it more unlistenable.
Click here to hear the song
13. "My Generation" by Hillary Duff
Originally performed by: The Who
If the Disney tart is singing about "my generation", I sure as hell want no part of it.
To give Duff credit, The Who aren't that rebellious rock 'n rollers they were known as back in the 1960's and 1970's. Whatever shred of evidence that showed it was immediately destroyed during their appearance at the Super Bowl as the halftime show attraction. However, despite that, Duff's cover of "My Generation" is nothing more than a glorified Kidz Bop cover song.
Click here to hear the song
12. "Come With Me (Kashmir)" by Puff Daddy feat. Jimmy Page
Originally performed by: Led Zeppelin*
Technically, this isn't a cover song, but since P. Diddy wanted to "faithfully" recreate Zeppelin's "Kashmir" for the 1998 Godzilla soundtrack, it might as well be. The practice of using samples from other songs and rapping over it wasn't new at the time, but Puff Daddy/Puffy/Sean Combs/P. Diddy/Whatever the Fuck He Calls Himself Today somehow perfected it ever since he rose to fame following Biggie Smalls' death. Makes you wonder if Puffy murdered Notorious B.I.G. to elevate his rise to the #1 "Rapper Who Raps Over Other People's Music".
My guess to how P. Diddy was able to lure Led Zep guitarist Jimmy Page to take part of his fiasco was he promised him that 24-bottle case of Jack Daniels upon completion of appearance. It does beg the question though; which sucked more balls: the Godzilla movie or this "cover" song by Puff-a-Diddy?
Click here to hear the song
11. "Papa Don't Preach" by Kelly Osbourne
Originally performed by: Madonna
Kelly Osbourne is living proof that when Ozzy and Sharon Osbourne mix their genes together, disastrous results can happen. To be quite honest, whenever I see Kelly Osbourne, I see Ozzy dressed up in drag as a Suicide Girl. But even if the visual presentation wasn't bad, its the audio presentation that suffers the most. The best way to describe Kelly's rendition of Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach" is like scratching a rusty fork against a chalkboard.
Now hold your horses, Madonna also has a shitty cover song out there, which we will get to shortly.
10. "Rock On" by Smashing Pumpkins
Originally performed by: David Essex
It must have been a bad idea for Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan to shave all his hair off because somehow toxic radiation went through his big ass skull and warped his brain. Not only do the Smashing Pumpkins rape David Essex's smash single, but Corgan's singing voice is on the same level of a whiny, emo prick you'd like to smash in his head with a sledgehammer.
9. "Another Brick in the Wall, Part 1 & 2" by KoRn
Originally performed by: Pink Floyd
Admit it -- most of us went through some sort of phase during our adolescent/preteen years we all regret. For some of us, there was the whole nu-metal craze of the late 90's to early 00's with kids getting all angsty and cranky listening to Marilyn Manson, KoRn, and Linkin Park. Shit, it was because of KoRn kids started tO tYpE LiKe ThIs. Thankfully, people grow up and realize they looked like special ed. students getting into KoRn. I can't say the same for the band since they insist to continue on when their remaining fanbase are actual special ed. students.
My original guess why KoRn decided they needed to cover Pink Floyd was they wanted to do a test to see if you truly did grow up or not. If you find KoRn's cover to be appalling and offensive, then congratulations, you've become a man (or are already one). If you have no problem at all with KoRn's cover, then sorry kid, get back to the kid's table.
8. "You Shook Me All Night Long" by Celine Dion
Originally performed by: AC/DC
So how the hell did this one happen? Was there in the water in Vegas that made Ms. Frenchie Canuck go cuckoo? I can understand hating on Brian Johnson-era AC/DC, but c'mon, this would be too cruel if Celine Dion deliberately did this cover song to get back at them. I guess it is true that French people have no sense from right and wrong.
Click here to hear the song
7. "I'll Melt With You" by Bowling For Soup
Originally performed by: The Smiths
OK kids, raise your hands if you like Bowling For Soup. No one? Good I tho...wait, you in the back. Eat shit and die.
I really don't see how anyone can stand that obnoxious singing voice coming from Douchey McDoucheystein. In all honesty, the only thing Bowling For Soup has got going for them throughout their whole entire music career is that fat ass bass player, who looks like he's ready to keel over any minute.
Click here to hear the song
6. "Sympathy For The Devil" by Ozzy Osbourne
Originally performed by: The Rolling Stones
I feel bad for Ozzy. It's pretty depressing for all the metal heads to see how you become the most influential singer in metal music to an absolute former shell of yourself. Hell, I think he's actually dead and Sharon is using him as a Muppet.
My guess on how Ozzy's Under Cover album came to be was from karaoke night at the Osbourne residence with vicodin and booze on the menu. This is the "pick of the litter" if you want the worst cover song Ozzy half-assed.
5. "Walk This Way" by Macy Gray
Originally performed by: Aerosmith
Remember when Macy Gray popped out of nowhere in the Spider-Man movie and started singing during the Thanksgiving Day parade? I wish one of the buildings actually did crumble down and crush her to death...in real life.
What? At least Macy Gray wouldn't have unleashed this god awful shit cover of Aerosmith's hit single. And YET, she somehow manages to make it 100x more unlistenable than the time Aerosmith teamed up with Run DMC and brutalized the song.
4. "American Pie" by Madonna
Originally performed by: Don McLean
As if we all needed yet another reason to hate the walking cesspool of sexually transmitted diseases known as Madonna, she certainly cemented her place as the first person I would like to see die a horrible, horrible death.
While I may not be too fond of McLean's original, this cover song shows why earplugs were invented for a good reason. Madonna's attempt to rekindle that flame from her glory days in the 80's is really a sad one as she's taken the same path as Cher by using a vodcoder to cover up the fact she can't sing for shit anymore. And don't get me started on the goofy as hell music video that came along with it. It's just her showing she hates Republicans.
If you ever wondered what was the day the music died, it wasn't when Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and Big Bopper all died in a plane crash -- it was when Madonna made this song.
3. "I'm a Believer" by Smash Mouth
Originally performed by: The Monkees
Try to wrap your head around this one: it's Smash Mouth covering THE MONKEES. Steve Harwell and his band decided it would make perfect sense to cover a song from a band who's only reason it formed was record label executives who wanted to please ultra conservative parents who thought the Beatles were too offensive. Thanks to their decision (or probably they just needed the money seeing how their version of "I'm a Believer" appeared on the Shrek soundtrack), they have now obtained the title of the unofficial band for Wal-Mart. You'll definitely hear this song playing in the background whether you go to a laundromat, hair salon, your nephew's eighth birthday party, or a church bake sale.
It should be pointed out that Smash Mouth has put out other songs for soundtracks like the god awful Cat In The Hat movie and Zoom along with other non-offensive cover songs. I'm guessing Smash Mouth wanted to surpass The Monkees as being the world's biggest "pussy band".
2. "Behind Blue Eyes" by Limp Bizkit
Originally performed by: The Who
When I originally made up a similar "Worst Covers" list awhile back, I had Bizkit's universal travesty of a cover song as my number one pick. The reason being that I honestly thought this was the true nail in the coffin for Limp Bizkit as they wouldn't be heard of again....up until now.
Supposedly they're making a comeback these days by releasing a new album in the near future. On the other hand, they lined up a summer long arena tour that was ultimately canceled (figured they get the picture) The only way to best describe how atrocious this "Behind Blue Eyes" cover is...well, wrap tin foil around your dick and stick it in a wall socket. If you happen to survive the shock, then my friend, you just survived about 1 second of the song. Imagine how it will be like listening to it from beginning to end.
1. Every cover song done by Six Feet Under
Originally performed by: Various artists
It's not hard to fuck up one cover song, but to fuck up not one, not two, but three entire albums full of cover songs is an accomplishment that no other musician or band has managed to pull off. God bless Six Feet Under's Chris Barnes if he truly believes his cover albums are smash hits. You know how some of the smartasses out there say death metal vocals are done by the Cookie Monster? Barnes is the reason why they say that because he literally does sound like the Cookie Monster singing. As former lead vocalist for the well-known death metal band, Cannibal Corpse, he has become the ultimate parody for the entire heavy metal genre.
This sad tale begins right after Chris Barnes' departure from Cannibal Corpse and turns his side-project band, Six Feet Under, into a full time deal. From 1995 to 1999, Six Feet Under released a couple decent-at-best albums to some fanfare. However, when the turn of the new century took place, shit really hit the fan. I mean that the type of shit King Kong would take.
Graveyard Classics was released to an unsuspecting public on October 30, 2000. While this album would've gotten a free pass if it just stuck with the metal songs from bands like Angel Witch and Exodus, Barnes' extremely flawed wisdom decided to include cover songs from beloved rock bands like AC/DC, Jimi Hendrix, and Thin Lizzy. Taking one good listen to these covers, you would think that this would be one of the main influences for fictional metal band, Dethlok. I should remind you though....Six Feet Under is by all means taking themselves seriously in Graveyard Classics.
Six Feet Under somehow survived and were not laughed out of the metal community for good. I can't say the same for those who had the unfortunate of listening to Graveyard Classics. I'm pretty sure it was first met with laughter, then confusion, then tears, and then ultimately dementia. Just as listeners were recovering from the man-made disaster known as Graveyard Classics, Six Feet Under would strike again like a violent aftershock and made another Graveyard Classics album in 2004, but for this particular one, Barnes decided to cover AC/DC's Back In Black album.
I don't know what Brian Johnson and the rest of AC/DC did in their past lives to deserve such torturous treatment from musicians like Chris Barnes and Celine Dion, but they must have done something pretty damn evil to be getting this. Or perhaps the spirit of Bon Scott has come to haunt the surviving members of AC/DC by allowing Six Feet Under to use Back In Black for Graveyard Classics II. Well, whatever the case may be, Six Feet Under's tribute to AC/DC has made AC/DC fans all over the world vomit profusely upon listening to this mess. Once again folks, they were 100% serious in making their music.
With the release of two extraordinarily craptacular cover albums, Six Feet Under has achieved such music atrocity that hasn't been seen since Vanilla Ice. It's hard to believe when listening to the only 3 Six Feet Under fans in the world claim Graveyard Classics I & II were just really for shits and giggles and was meant to be a parody. Of course, they're just covering up for the absolute mess their favorite band left behind. Sorta like Mel Gibson coming out and saying the Holocaust was all just for fun and games.
Anyway, things seem to be quite for awhile between 2005 and 2009 when Six Feet Under returned to making decent to mediocre death metal albums. Unfortunately, Barnes thought the world needed another Six Feet Under covers album in 2010.
I'm at a loss for words on how this could of happen. Is Chris Barnes really a douchebag all along? Or is he beyond saving in helping him realize this is just plain bad?
If there's at least one thing positive to take out of all this, then congratulations guys, you really are the #1 Worst Covers Band of all time.
I haven’t any word to appreciate this post.....Really i am impressed from this post....the person who create this post it was a great human..thanks for shared this with us. Jim
ReplyDelete