Top 20 Incredibly Crappy Licenses for a Video Game

While I already covered some of the worst video games based on movies, I thought I should take it a step further and go over some of the worst licenses (or licences for all you Brits out there) that have been used for video games.  Bear in mind while Total Recall and Enter The Matrix were shitty games, they had the potential to be awesome because of the original product.  However, there are plenty of video games out there that have licensed characters and properties that have absolutely no business in the gaming universe.  You'll be surprised how many video games there are featuring mascots from fast food joints and kiddie superstars like Hannah Montana and "Coming to a Rehab Center Near You" Lindsay Lohan.

Let's just hope that this serves as a lesson to all the marketing and PR people that are out there looking to expand their brand name in something that shouldn't really have their hands in.



20. Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

I know a lot of people have skeletons in their closets, but Mark Wahlberg might as well be the national spokesperson for skeletons in the closet.  Before starring in inspirational movies about boxers, football players, rock stars, and taco stand vendors, Wahlberg took a "stab" at the hip-hop industry as a white boy who loved to rap and hang with his homies.  OK, so he wasn't Vanilla Ice horrible, but by God he was laughably bad when he tried to roll with his Funky Bunch crew.  He should be very thankful he has a blooming acting career because Marky Mark was certainly not meant for this world. 

So anyway, Sega wanted to make its new Sega CD machine "hip" and "cool" or probably "hippity cool" to make it the only console out there that only cool people play.  Unfortunately, Sega didn't get the memo that Marky Mark was not hip, cool, or hippity cool to most people, so it was no surprise the console tanked big time when they released Make My Video featuring Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch.  I should point out that INXS and Kris Kross also had Make My Video games, but by far Marky Mark was the worst of them all.

  

19. Where's Waldo? 

I certainly get the idea that the Where's Waldo books help kids or inspiring safety inspectors to have a keen eye.  But has anyone ever asked why Waldo's hiding in the first place?  Whether it's at the beach, a crowded mall, or the moon, this motherfucker is always trying to keep a low profile.  Is he hiding from the police for child pornography charges?  Or perhaps hiding from the mob after screwing them over on track racing bets?  Whatever the case may be, Waldo's definitely blending in with the crowd to get away from someone.

There are plenty of edutainment games out there (plus a staggering amount of Sesame Street games), but Where's Waldo is a terrible license to pick for a video game.  Why?  I don't think I'd want to have my kid rub his face against the TV screen and look all over the damn place to look for Waldo while frying his eyes out.  Oh, and the Great Waldo Search is a really shitty game to boot.  Good luck trying to find our stripped friend in one sea of pixelated mess. 

18. Sour Patch Kids 

We're finally in the year 2012, right?  So explain to me why out of all the intellectual properties that are out there that Capcom decided to greenlight a Sour Patch Kids game. 

If you've ever been to a movie theater, then you've probably had a pack of Sour Patch Kids candy along with your buttered (if that is butter...) popcorn.  If there's one thing Sour Patch Kids are guaranteed to do, that's ruining your fucking teeth for life.  Although this game hasn't come out yet, we do know that it's suppose to deal with the Sour Patch Kids navigating through movie theaters and other places while avoiding other treacherous candy treats and "deranged" humans (according to the press release).   You know, the Sour Patch Kids doesn't really need to be a video game, but somehow Capcom is throwing all its marbles down for this game.

By the way, it gets even more bizarre as Method Man (yes, THAT Method Man of Wu-Tang fame) has provided the theme song for this upcoming game.

17. Chester Cheetah (Cheetos)

You gotta love the irony in this one.  Remember as a kid when you'll playing some video games with your pals and one of them ask to pass over the controller while the little bastard's hands are covered in Cheetos powder?  I bet this game was dedicated to all those moments when it happened.

Believe it or not, Kaneko made two Chester Cheetah games for the SNES and Sega Genesis.  Overall, both titles were basic platforming games that weren't really anything to write home about.  However, given the fact the game stars a mascot who promotes greasy cheese snacks, you know the game sole purpose was to get kids running to the grocery store and stock up on crunchy and puffy Cheetos.



16. Jeopardy!/Family Feud

I'll admit it: I tune in to Jeopardy on a daily basis.  In fact, I'm a sucker when it comes to quiz shows like Jeopardy or Family Feud so I can prove to myself that I'm not dumb and truly am a genius.  But there's a huge fatal flaw when it comes to making licensed video games based on game shows.

Jeopardy and Family Feud are two perfect examples on how things can go south while playing them in video game form.  For one thing, it's a real pain in the ass to navigate the cursor to type in your answer.  Life would be easier if this was being played on a PC, but seeing how there's been multiple versions of Jeopardy and Family Feud on the NES and other home consoles, it was pure torture just getting your answer in before time runs out.  Also another huge problem with licensed video games based on game shows is the limited amount of questions in the game.  It'll take you at least three sessions to finally see the questions being repeated, thus rendering the game unplayable.  And don't even bother to play any of these games if you suck at spelling.  Just misspelling a word by one letter will get it wrong.

15. Alvin & The Chipmunks

I'm actually pretty amazed that there hasn't been an Alvin & the Chipmunks video game until the franchise got rebooted for the 2007 live-action movie.  However, seeing how this atrocity turned out, I think it was best the Chipmunks franchise stayed away from video games.

In a nutshell, all the Alvin & the Chipmunks is really about is taking pop songs from classic and current musicians and cranking up the RPM so that it sounds like squeaky, little chipmunks are singing them.  While I have fond memories of watching the original Chipmunks cartoons - both the 1960's and 1980's versions - Hollywood decided it would be a great idea to revive the franchise in 2007 by giving us a more realistic, yet half naked Alvin & the Chipmunks.  And like most kids movies these days, a video game was released to coincide with the film's arrival.  Bear in mind that also in 2007, rhythm video games like Guitar Hero and Rock Rand were all the rage.  It seems pretty appropriate that Brash Entertainment copied and pasted the exact same game mechanics of Guitar Hero for a franchise that copied and pasted the exact same songs of pop musicians.

14. Garfield

Plenty can be said about the Garfield comic strip, but for me, I know it's Jim Davis' clever way to tell a story of a paranoid, depressed schizophrenic disguised as a comic strip about a lazy cat who likes to eat lasagna.  As I mentioned before in my blog, Garfield Minus Garfield does an awesome job in revealing the comic strip's true nature.

 

It's a shame most people don't notice that because they only see Garfield as a pretty crappy comic.  You can't really do much with a lazy, fat cat who eats a lot and does nothing else.  But whether you love or hate the orange critter, there's something truly mind-boggling that there are over fourty video games released featuring Garfield.  That's right; going all the way back to the Atari 2600, the Garfield license has been used in 40+ different games.  I don't know if that's a record, but hell, there's gotta be someone out there who finds Garfield hilarious and buy these games.

Here's a look at some of Garfield's "finest" moments in video game history.

 

13. Kiss

Of all the rock bands that are out there, there's no bigger PR and marketing machine than Kiss.  It's kind of interesting to see what people will remember the band for; their music or their lust for marketing.  I'll give Gene Simmons credit where it's due.  He sure makes one hell of a salesman.  From comic books to action figures to funeral caskets to even condoms, Simmons has slapped the Kiss brand to just about everything.  But when it comes to video games, Kiss has it all wrong.

Surprisingly, there are only two Kiss-branded video games (plus an unconfirmed one for Commodore 64), but for the most part, they suck.  Their first game was Kiss Pinball for the Playstation 1 and it wasn't offensively bad.  But seeing how you probably get more entertainment playing the actual Kiss pinball machine, this game made no sense.  However, the Kiss ad nauseum train goes full steam with the release of KISS: Psycho Circus - The Nightmare Child for the Sega Dreamcast and PC in 2000.  Based on Kiss' comic book series, the Psycho Circus game is nothing more but a Quake/Unreal ripoff.  The funny thing about this game was that you played the role of not the actual Kiss band, but a Kiss tribute band.  I don't know if Simmons and his band didn't want any part of this crappy game, but it's kind of like playing Super Mario Bros. only to find out you're only playing some fat guy from Brazil who's pretending to be Super Mario.




12. The Olsen Twins

Remember when Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen were America's little darlings way before there turned into anorexic crack gobblers?  That's okay if you don't.  So apparently back when Full House was all the rage in the late 80's to early 90's, the Olsen Twins captivated audiences everywhere with their adorable spunk because they just couldn't get enough of not one, but two modern day Shirley Temples.  While Bob Saget and the rest of the Full House cast's careers went down the shitter when the show ended, the Olsen Twins had other plans by going on a decade long marketing blitz in order to enslave little girls to the Olsen brand.  Just like with Kiss, the Olsens planted their name on toys, cereals, videos, and the whole shabangbang.  Thankfully, there weren't any Olsen Twins condoms or caskets. 

In an attempt to make video games a little more emasculating, Acclaim released a total of 13 Olsen Twins-licensed games.  Now, I don't know about you, but I just don't see pre-teen girls flocking to the nearest Gamestop to pick up copies of Mary Kate & Ashley's Crush Course or Mary Kate & Ashley's What's That White Stuff.  Targeting the 6-12 female demographic with video games is like target the male demographic with sanitary tampons.  Granted that video games are much more casual today than it was 10 years ago, but I don't think releasing a "Mary Kate & Ashley's Anorexic Action" game would be a smash hit today.

11. Bebe's Kids        

From what I can recall about Bebe's Kids the movie, it was extraordinarily boring.  Not much to write home about this animated dud.  It was hard to tell if this movie was targeting kids or a mature audience, but in any case, it bombed at the box office.  What many of you probably don't know is that Bebe's Kids is essentially an well-noted routine done by the late standup comedian Robin Harris.  With that in mind, it looks like Bebe's Kids for Super Nintendo is the first and only video game based on someone's standup routine.  Just imagine a film studio making a movie about Dave Chappelle's Rick James routine and then licensing that movie for a video game.  Now you know how crazy converting Bebe's Kids to video game form was.

Overall, the game was flat-out bad.  In fact, some game critics consider it to be the worst SNES game of all time.  But going back to the notion that Bebe's Kids originally was a standup routine, the game takes the least-interesting portion of Harris' act, as well as the movie, and uses that for the entire game.  It's like taking George Carlin's "Seven Dirty Words" routine and just using the word "balls" to make a video game out of it.

10. Aerosmith

While Kiss has a crappy video game, at least there's is not as horrible as Aerosmith's cry for help.

Before rock bands slapped their names and likenesses to Guitar Hero games, musicians had other ideas to work with.  Motley Crue kept it simple like Kiss by making a pinball video game, while Michael Jackson went the whole nine yards and did the Moonwalker arcade game for Sega.  While some of you may argue that licensing a Michael Jackson arcade game is worse than licensing an Aerosmith arcade game, realize that Moonwalker came out in 1988 when Jackson was at the peak of his career and the game itself wasn't bad.  In fact, I wouldn't call licensing a Michael Jackson video game crappy back in the 80's as anything tagged with the words "Michael" and "Jackson" would sell like hotcakes.  

But let's go back to Aerosmith.  The band had a relatively successful run during the 90's, so they wanted to capitalize on that success by taking at stab at video games.  So Steven Tyler and the gang went to Midway Games for them to create an Aerosmith video game.  The result?  Revolution X.

 

Well, that was unexpected.  In a nutshell, Revolution X is Midway taking its popular Terminator 2 arcade game and throwing in a bunch of aging rockers into the game.  Along with an absurdly dopey storyline where the future is depended on you and Steven Tyler's large-ass lips, Revolution X is laughably bad and goofy as we get a couple of Aerosmith songs playing on loop over and over again while you take down ninja rejects by flinging compact discs at them.  Hey, at least it shows you what they did with all those extra copies of the band's crappy Rock in a Hard Place album.  By the time you listen to an instrumental version of "Eat the Rich" playing in the background for the 40th time, you'd wish the game would allow you to shoot down the band in a murderous rampage.  

Now that I think about it, I'd wish bands like Kiss and Aerosmith would've waited until 2006 to work on a Guitar Hero video game because we ended up with some pretty crappy stuff in licensed video games featuring dinosaur rock bands.

   

9. The Blues Brothers

I have a feeling that Dan Akyroyd doesn't know the saying, "Let sleeping dogs lie."  If he did, we'd probably never would have wound up with the ultra-shitty Blues Brothers 2000 sequel.  

But even before Akyroyd decided to desecrate John Belushi's good name by making that abortion of a movie, someone had a brilliant idea of taking the Blues Brothers license and using it for a video game.  I don't know about you, but there's nothing about Elwood and Jake Blues that screams they should be put into a video game.  In fact, I don't think there's any reoccurring Saturday Night Live sketch that could be used to make a video game (with the exception of the horribly gone wrong Wayne's World game).

So the Un-Hun-Hun Frenchmen over at Titus Software produced a platformer game featuring the Blues Brothers for the NES, Commodore 64, Amiga, Game Boy, and PC systems.  The game itself was particularly bad since it had little or nothing to do with the movie or the SNL sketches.  Instead of evading the Illinois State Police and Nazis or jamming it up with some good ol' fashioned blues music, Elwood and Jake are just hopping and skipping around factories and abandoned buildings while throwing wooden crates at complete strangers and random green blob monsters.  In some versions of the game, the Blues Brothers somehow receive superpowers and are able to walk on clouds.  I think it's safe to say that the Blues Brothers game is a classic example on what happens to a license when it gets lost in translation.  But hey, at least the game wasn't as bad as the Blues Brothers 2000 movie.  There's nothing that can top that in terms of crappiness, right?

Son of a bitch...

8. M&M's

We all know that M&M's "melt in your mouth, not in your hands".  But did you know that M&M's will melt your brain while they're in your video games?

M&M's were first introduced in 1941 by the Mars candy company and while they had anthropomorphic M&M's running around to hawk the candy, there wasn't a official or primary mascot for them.  That wasn't up until 1995 when they finally debuted the Red and Yellow M&M's as their "official" mascot for the candy.  Red was originally voiced by Jon Lovitz and Yellow voiced by John Goodman.  Of course it was obvious that the two were fulfilling the stereotypical snarky wisecrack/clumsy big oaf duo quota.  Soon, each M&M color started to get personalities of their own and it wasn't long for Mars to decide to branch out its brand and license it to toys, school supplies, race cars, and of course, video games.

The problem with having mascots from the food industry and using them in video games is that I don't think they have that "cool" factor where kids wanna bum rush the store and buy their games.  Unless the mascot of a fast-food chain is a grizzly bear wearing sunglasses while riding a T-Rex, I doubt mascots representing the food industry will ever have a top-selling video game.  I would give M&M's the benefit of the doubt if their games were awesome, but unfortunately, that is not the case.  In fact, M&M Kart Racing for the Nintendo has become the whipping boy for crappy bargain bin games everywhere.

 

7. E.T.

I already mentioned unfortunate horrible video game in one of my previous blogs, so the less said, the better.  I will add that this was expected when your license is about an alien who looks like the offspring of Ghandi and a California Raisin.


6. Burger King

Burger King may have officially retired their creepy, royal mascot, but his legacy certainly lives on.  There's no bigger evidence of his existence when the fast food chain released Burger King games in 2006 for the Xbox 360.  

Selling at $4 a pop, Burger King had not one, but three games to choose from.  The first two were just basic racing games featuring BK characters like the King himself, Subservient Chicken (WTF?), Whopper Jr. (DoubleWTF?), and others.  Nothing out of the ordinary for racing games featuring licensed characters.  But the third one has without a doubt the most absurd concept in video game history.  In Sneak King, you control the company's namesake by sneaking around and approach unsuspecting civilians with Whoppers before they pass out from hunger.  Now think about that for one moment.  Here you are, dressed up as royalty while wearing a disturbing mask, stalking innocent people and using the element of surprise in order to fulfill Burger King's plot to take over the world.  Just take a look at this video to see the insanity behind all this.

There's just something terribly wrong about all of this.  In the real world, just about anyone can see a disturbing, burger-pushing stalker from a mile away while he prances and tiptoes around like the absolute creep he is.  But in Burger King's version of the world, everyone suffers from glaucoma and constant fainting spells.  The Burger King might as well be breathing down the back of your neck and these people still won't notice him.  Also, the type of reactions the characters give when the King surprises them is the complete opposite of what a sane, normal human being would give if the King of Nightmares popped out of nowhere.  In Sneak King, the King's "prey" would squeal with joy as he dances in front of them like it was the mating dance of a peacock.  After the King's little jig, he would then pull a Whopper on a sliver platter out of nowhere and serves it to them.  These people would merrily accept his offering without the notion the King may have drugged the Whoppers so he can rape them.  I don't know about you, but if I ever encountered the King in that situation, my most likely reaction would be to scream bloody murder and run far, far away and contact the local authorities.




5. "Shaq" Shaquille O'Neill

 
If you've ever played any of the NBA Jam games as a kid, you probably noticed two glaring omissions in them.  First of course was Michael Jordan.  Jordan was wildly popular at the time, so he went the nontraditional route by trademarking and licensing his own name and likeness.  With his high asking price for royalties and fees, he rarely appeared in NBA video games except for coming out with his very own video game called "Michael Jordan: Chaos in the Windy City".  The second omission was Shaquille O'Neill (or simply Shaq).  He too went the same route as Jordan by trademarking and licensing his name across the board.  But unlike Jordan, Shaq branched out to other stuff like becoming a rapper, actor, and karate expert.  Yes, you heard me, karate expert.  

You may be familiar with his acting career and laying down some beats in his platinum-selling rap album, but did you know Shaq was such the karate expert that he had his own form of martial arts called "Shaq Fu"?  That's how he was able to license his own Shaq Fu video game.

OK, seriously, looking back at Shaq Fu for SNES and Genesis, it was quite goofy and absurd like Shaq starring in Kazaam.  I don't know why he didn't keep it simple and use his license for a basketball game, but for Shaq to be in a fighting game is like seeing Joe Namath be in a dating simulator game.  I won't lie; I thought the prospect of Shaq in a Street Fighter/Mortal Kombat type game was both cool and ridiculous when I was a kid.  But now looking back, it was really only ridiculous.  Hey, I love the big guy, but you gotta be more careful on what you license your name to.  


4. McDonald's

Nowadays, having McDonald's interact with kids will horrify parents and go apeshit that the Golden Arch is pushing childhood obesity to them.  But it wasn't like that 20 years ago.  Mom and dad were fine with Ronald McDonald and company promoting their Happy Meals and burgers to kids across America.  If you were a kid back in those days, then you'll recall the plethora of licensed goods McDonald's pushed to kids.  From toys to Halloween costumes to bed sheets to music records, there were no boundaries for McDonald's when it came to marketing to kids.  So it came to no surprise that McDonald's licensed a video game in 1992 called M.C. Kids.  Just like other licensed, platformer video games, M.C. Kids had you collecting the McDonald's logo while throwing crap at your enemies.  One thing I want to point out is while the U.S. cover for M.C. Kids isn't alarmingly -- two chubby kids high-fiving each other after eating a round of Big Macs -- its the European artwork paints a far sinister picture.

Known as McDonaldland in Europe, you do get a lot of mixed messages in this picture.  Here we see two strapping young lads who reek of early 90's radicalness (especially the stereotypical African American dude sporting a hi-top fade haircut and red, green, and yellow colors) standing in front of a McDonald's sign.  But as you look above, there's Ronald McDonald with quite a menacing look on his face as he's creeping from behind the sign.  Talk about truth in advertising; did McDonald's want to give Europeans a subtle hint about the smoke and mirrors it was showing?  If one thing was for certain, this picture sums up the disturbing nature of McDonald's marketing to kids by licensing their brand in video games.

By the way, the chain also released two more McDonald's-licensed games for the Sega Genesis: Mick & Mack's Global Gladiators and McDonald's Treasure Land Adventure.  Despite being licensed by a fast food chain, both games were actually developed by reputable game developers.  Global Gladiators was made by Shiny Entertainment (Earthworm Jim, Aladdin for Sega Genesis, Robocop vs. Terminator) and Treasure Land Adventure was made by Treasure (Contra, Gunstar Heroes, Guardian Heroes).  Even more crazy is the fact both games weren't bad at all.  It's amazing that despite being a game using a McDonald's license that they turned out to be good.  This my friends is an example of taking a ridiculous license like McDonald's and creating an enjoyable and playable video game.

  

3. The Bible

Okay, so I cheated.  The Holy Bible isn't licensed property per se, BUT with megachurch preachers, right-wing politicians, and bible belt lunatics touting the bible like they own it, it might as well be.

It's kind of funny religious video games exist in the first place because most devote Christians loathe video games.  I'm certain someone like Billy Graham would call it the devil's work or something like that.  But the people at Wisdom Tree don't think so.  In fact, video games and the Bible are like peanut butter and jelly for Wisdom Tree.  Born out of the ashes of Color Dreams, Wisdom Tree tore out pages from the Old Testament and inserted them in well-known games.  So in other words; they plagiarized games like Super Mario Bros. 2, Legend of Zelda, and Wolfenstein 3-D and threw in biblical figures to cover their tracks.  So now instead of hunting and shooting Nazi soldiers like you did in Wolfenstein, you hunt and feed animals fruits that puts them to sleep in Super 3D Noah's Ark.  I'm sure this will teach kids that Noah ran around his ark with a slingshot and force-fed goats and lions apples laced with Ambien.  

That's the thing about Bible games; I always thought that any form of entertainment that has a Christian theme to it is meant to be a learning tool for kids or "inspire" people to become better Christians.  And it's not just Christians either.  Those of the Jewish faith may pick up other Wisdom Tree games like Exodus and Baby Moses.  In any case, I have a hard time believing that strictly-religious parents would buy these games for their kids so they can learn all the different historical inaccuracies in the games or be inspired after controlling a skateboarder who ollies his way to Sunday school.  

As far as I'm aware, there's no other video game out there that uses other faiths like Muslim, Hinduism, or Scientology, but I'm sure time will tell when Tom Cruise funds a 360 and PS3 Scientology game.     




2. The Noid (Domino's Pizza)

 
Now this I cannot comprehend.  Why would anyone want to license the fuckin' Noid?  The Noid!   Arguably one of the most annoying mascots in history, the Noid was a small, weird man dressed in what appears to be a red bunny suit and his claim to fame was he wanted to ruin your pizza and terrorized pizza delivery boys everywhere.  

While I appreciate well-known claymation director Will Vinton, who created the Noid TV ads, the red menace should've stayed on the TV screen and nothing more.  Unfortunately, Domino's had other plans and went to town with a full marketing blitz for the Noid. Their first order of business was licensing a computer game called "Avoid the Noid!".  Obviously as the title implies, the purpose of the game is to...well...avoid the Noid.

Who knew that just trying to avoid the Noid would be a life or death situation? Never mind that you're a Domino's pizza boy who's trying to avoid the Noid from murdering you.  The concept of this computer game has you working your way up to the 30th floor of an apartment building that has no elevators and is rigged with booby traps everywhere.  From dodging missiles, jumping over trap doors, and doing barrel rolls over homicidal Noids, you start to think you're delivering a box of Domino's pizza under 30 minutes or less to James Bond.  And if you needed any indication that this insanely absurd computer game was licensed by Domino's, look no further than the actual cover box.

When the cover artwork has at least 5 mentions of Domino's Pizza, you better damn well know it's licensed by them.  While the next Domino's-licensed game, Yo Noid by Capcom, wasn't as obvious with its in-game advertising, the plot is just as over the top as its DOS counterpart.  In this NES game, the Noid is commissioned by the mayor of New York City to stop a renegade Noid and his minions from assailing the city.  You heard right.  Mayor Rudy Giuliani doesn't need the police or National Guard to bring down terrorists in NYC; he's got the Noid to do it all.  But what's even more of a head scratcher is that at the end of every level, the Noid challenges one of its kind in a pizza-eating contest.  Now wait a minute...doesn't the Noid loathe pizza?  Why else would the little bastard put all of his effort in destroying pizza?  Something doesn't add up.

As someone with the privilege of living within range of New York City, I barely bother with Domino's anymore and enjoy damn good pizza from the local pizzerias.  But if Sal's Pizza decided to use the Noid as their spokesperson, I'd stop patronizing them for good.                           

1. Superman

Now before you comic fanboys out there start seething with rage and throw rocks at me, let me explain something.  In theory, the Superman license undoubtedly would make a kick ass video game.  There's nothing preventing a Superman-licensed video game to make a good game and a kick ass experience.  Unfortunately, this is all in theory.

Over a dozen Superman video games have been released and all of them have been bad.  I mean really bad.  Not just really bad, but historically bad.  It's hard to comprehend how video game companies have tried and failed every time they make a Superman game.  Atari was first at bat to make a Superman game, but seeing how the Atari 2600 was one of the worst video game consoles ever made, there wasn't much of a fighting change for the Man of Steel.  Next up was Kemco to try to make at least playable Superman game for the Nintendo Entertainment System.  Unfortunately, the Japanese developers over at Kemco either were high on wacky drugs or just being Japanese as Superman for the NES is perhaps the most nonsensical video game in history.  I think AVGN sums it up the best on how atrociously bad this one was.

Despite Kemco's darnest to make a playable Superman game, this was just one hell of a black eye for the Superman brand.  Afterwards, Sega took the ball and ran with its version of Superman for the Sega Genesis.  For some reason, Sunsoft decided to make Superman the ultimate weakling as it didn't take much for the Man of Steel to get his ass whooped.  Unless there was a fire sale on Kryptonite, there's something wrong seeing Superman get knocked on the floor by a single bullet when he's know to have them bounce off his chest.  The next Superman game to come out was The Death and Return of Superman for the SNES and Genesis and was the best Superman game ever.  However, saying that is just like saying Somalia is the best place to go on vacation compared to Chernobyl and Death Valley.  It was a ho-hum game with mindless beat 'em up brawling.  But the next Superman game to come out was so horrific, so atrocious, so terrible, that it's earned the distinction by many as the worst video game to have ever been released.

There's no argument that Superman 64 sucks, period.  If you had the misfortune of playing this, then you know how incredibly crappy Superman 64 was.  Believe it or not, Superman 64 was made by the same game company, Titus Software, who also made those dumb Blues Brothers games mentioned above.  Good friggin' luck just trying to get pass the first level.  For some idiotic reason other than they're French, Titus decided to throw Sups in a fog-infested Metropolis and he's given the task to fly through rings in order to beat Lex Luthor.  Sounds easy, but given the fact the controls are as accurate as Helen Keller flying a Boeing 747 to its destination, it's simply god damn frustrating.  Miss about 2 or 3 rings due to overly-sensitive controls or not beating the unmerciful time limit and the game tells you to go fuck yourself and start all over again. Top that off with horrible glitches and bugs (especially the ones where you get stuck in the wall and have to restart the level ALL the way from the beginning), this clearly is the worst game to appear on Nintendo 64.  The last Superman game to have come out was Superman Returns for Xbox, Xbox 360, and Playstation 2.  While Superman Returns wasn't as disastrously bad as Superman 64, it didn't do much at all to remove the stain put on Superman's good name thanks to these shitty games.

To recap, the Superman license makes a great video game on paper.  But unfortunately there seems to be a curse when it comes to Superman-based video games.  One bad Superman game would just be a fluke, but when virtually every Superman video game sucks, this license is certainly toxic.  No wonder it's the most incredibly crappy license for a video game.              

Most Surreal Crossovers Ever

In comic book lore, crossovers are quite common.  Every now and then we would see Spider-Man teaming up with X-Men to take down an awesome threat or Superman pairing up with Batman to make every villains' lives miserable.  Hell, nowadays it's not uncommon to see the Marvel universe cross over into the DC universe.  

But outside the comic book medium, crossovers can range from the obvious (The Flintstones meets The Jetsons) to the absolutely bizarre (Gary Coleman prancing around with My Little Pony).  Today, we're going to focus on undoubtedly the most surreal crossovers where worlds literally collide.  I'm not talking about a simple Scooby Doo meets Three Stooges crossover.  These are the type of pair ups that will make you shit in your pants while you're watching in disbelief.

While there are plenty of fan fictions out there that has stuff like Harry Potter meeting Naruto, realize these crossovers are canon and kosher (well, mostly).

15. Howard Stern meets Billy West meets Conan O'Brien

Some of you may not recognize Billy West in person, but if I were to tell you that he is the voice of classic characters such as Ren & Stimpy, Nickelodeon's Doug, and Fry from Futurama, then you'll know how crazy this meeting of the minds was.

Most fans of the Howard Stern Radio Show will agree that the mid 90's was a great time to listen to the show thanks to Billy West's voice work as the "Jackie Puppet".

What the Jackie Puppet was all about is West's unrelenting egging on Stern show fixture Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling.  So when Conan stopped by the show in late 1994, the gang gave Conan a "farewell" party for Coco as he was rumored to be fired from his Late Night show and be replaced by Greg Kinnear (eerily similar to 2010 when he did get replaced).  As the interview went on, hearing West as the Jackie Puppet interact with Conan was simply hilarious.

For someone who grew up watching Ren & Stimpy and Doug as a kid on Nickelodeon, it makes it extra special hearing West riff on Conan O'Brien while all on the Howard Stern Radio Show.

14. Sting meets Robocop

 Now here's a crossover that would made more sense if it was some kid playing with his Sting action figure along with his Robocop action figure.  Crossovers aren't uncommon in wrestling as we've seen celebrities before mingle with wrestlers like when Mr. T teamed up with Hulk Hogan at the first Wrestlemania or recently when the Muppets invaded Monday Night Raw.  But when your special guest celebrity becomes a real integral part of the main event, you know shit's gonna hit the fan.

Back in 1990, WCW superstar Sting was embroiled in a battle with the Four Horsemen (led by Ric Flair).  So at Capital Combat '90 in Washington D.C., Sting was going bring some backup to take down the Horsemen.  Was it going to be the Steiner Brothers?  Lex Luger?  The Road Warriors?  No silly, he's got the Metal Man from Detroit, Robocop as his backup!

In the final segment of the PPV, the Four Horseman manage to capture Sting inside a "steel" cage while Robocop trots down the rampway.  After what seems like an eternity, Robocop finally comes to the aid of Sting by pulling off the cage door and the Four Horsemen cower away from the bag of bolts.  

OK, so the cage was actually made of rubber and if I'm not mistaken, it looks like OCP was broke at the time as Robocop's armor was now made of plastic.

13. "Bruce Lee" meets Popeye

China: the eternal land of bootleg where any surreal crossover is possible.  I've seen street vendors in Chinatown hawk bootleg Pokemon games that claim to have Pikachu fighting a T-Rex.   The words "copyright" and "licensed" are just as foreign to them as democracy.  There are plenty of bootleg movies out there in China that use copyrighted characters, but this one truly is a gem.


While the rest of the world mourned the untimely death of legendary martial artist Bruce Lee, it was business as usual for China as they brought in a Bruce Lee impersonator to star in a "Bruce Lee" movie.  Now this wasn't just any movie mind you.  Whoever directed "The Dragon Lives Again" wanted this one to be a blockbuster for the ages.  Hey, makes sense when the movie proclaims to be, I quote, "Dedicated to the Millions Who Love Bruce Lee".  In this film alone, we see "Bruce Lee" taking on Dracula, a Chinese Clint Eastwood, James Bond, a Chinese Michael Corleone from The Godfather, and many more.  It gets even better as Bruce Lee teams up with the ultimate sidekick, POPEYE THE SAILOR MAN

Well blow me down.  There is absolutely no denying this is the good ol' Popeye helping out the Dragon.  The trademark pipe whistle, the theme song, the spinach, the giggles; this was surely the American hero of a sailor man bringing down Dracula and the Mummy alongside Bruce Lee.  I don't know about you, but if you happen to find a copy of "The Dragon Lives Again", by all means get it.


12. Super Mario meets Sonic the Hedgehog

Now here's a case of "too little, too late".  

As a kid growing up in the 90's, it was a very interesting time to play video games.  On one hand, you had Nintendo with an iron grip on the video game market since the 1980's as an Italian plumber by the name of Mario was the face of the company.  On the other hand, Sega threw all its marbles down to go head on against Nintendo and brought out a hedgehog with attitude named Sonic to dethrone Mario and Nintendo's throne.  Mudslinging took place from both sides while both companies released new consoles throughout the 90s.  At one point, Sega seemed to have the upper hand thanks to Sonic's persona and a host of great games on the Genesis.  However, as time went by, there was no turning back for Nintendo as it gained the advantage by releasing the Super NES and Nintendo 64.  When it was all said and done, Nintendo crushed the competition and Sega eventually pulled out of the console market in 2001.

Shortly after Sega stopped making consoles, they switched gears and started making games for their once bitter rival, Nintendo.  In fact, one of their first games after they got out of the hardware market was a Sonic game for the Nintendo Gamecube.   By then, a Mario & Sonic game didn't seem out of the question and many game players were excited about the prospect.  Unfortunately, neither Nintendo or Sega capitalized on this as they waited about 7 years later to finally make a meeting of the video game mascots a reality.  So in late 2007, Nintendo's Mario and Sega's Sonic finally go head to head in....the Beijing Olympics???

It's true.  Nintendo and Sega decided it would be best for the two biggest names in video game crossover for the first time in a Nintendo Wii game that's all about the 2008 Summer Olympic Games in Beijing.  How crazy is that?  If you think about it, it's rather ironic Mario and Sonic meet each other in a game that deals with a sporting event in China because Lord knows there probably was a bootleg Mario and Sonic game already out there in the People's Republic.

Hey, as a consolation prize, you can relive your fanboyism by beating up Mario as Sonic or vice versa in Super Smash Bros. Brawl for the Wii.

 
11. Ozzy Osbourne meets The Muppets

  
If you know the Muppets, you know crossovers are nothing new to them.  Hell, The Muppet Show was all about crossovers.  During its run, Kermit and the gang have hosted a spectrum of celebrities such as Steve Martin, Vincent Price, Milton Berle, George Burns, Elton John, Peter Sellers, Bob Hope, Andy Warhol, Liberace, and much, much more.  More importantly, there was even a Star Wars and Muppets crossover when the cast from Star Wars (including Mark Hamill, R2-D2, and Chewbacca) all showed up on The Muppet Show.  For many, they would consider this to be quite a surreal crossover and possibly the biggest crossover in Muppet Show history, but I think differently.  One thing, Frank Oz was the brains behind The Muppet Show along with Jim Henson and also worked with George Lucas while playing Yoda in Star Wars.  So it wasn't necessarily a meeting out of the blue for them as Lucas probably wanted to do Oz a favor.

So what is the most surreal crossover the Muppets have ever encountered?  That would be a man who've never been on The Muppet Show, yet have met with the Muppets plenty of times -- "The Prince of Darkness" Ozzy Osbourne.

That's just insane listening to Ozzy singalong with the adorable Miss Piggy to Steppenwolf's "Born to Be Wild".  I'll betcha when Ozzy finally met the Muppets, he thought he came across his long lost relatives.  And why not?  People do mistake him for a muppet these days.  But what really makes Ozzy and Kermit's meeting much more important than the numerous celebrity appearances ever featured on the Muppet Show?  That's because the Ozzman and the Frog met the Queen of F'N England.

So take that Liberace and Andy Warhol.  It seems like Ozzy and the Muppets were meant for each other in a royal way.




10. Hulk Hogan meets Pokemon

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but seeing Hulk Hogan posing next to Pikachu makes it a million words.  

Just what the hell is going on here?  There's no mistaking that is the immortal Hulk Hogan donning a red Pokemon shirt while standing next to the cute and loveable Pikachu.  Plus, that Pikachu costume looks awfully official, so it's not like some random hobo dressed up in an Elmo costume looking for free publicity.  And if you look closely, you can see a giant Pikachu float in the background as it appears to be some Pokemon celebration going on.

So what the hell is going on?  Did Hogan bump his head and believes he's the best Pokemon trainer in the world?  Did Nintendo buy out the World Wrestling Entertainment and created the World Pokemon Wrestling Federation?

As the story goes, Nintendo was celebrating Pokemon's 10th anniversary with "THE BIGGEST PARTY OF THE DECADE" at New York City's Bryant Park in August 2006.  There were nerds and manchilds alike taking on each other in Pokemon tournaments, poor Pokemon NYC employees sweating their balls off wearing Pikachu and Mudkip costumes, and all the typical Pokemon fanfare and doodads.  Everything seemed to be just about ordinary as a typical fan convention until suddenly, the Immortal One showed up out of the fucking blue.

No Mildred; your eyes are not deceiving you.  Hulk Hogan appears at the Pokemon Party and chills with his buds Mudkip, Treecko, and the rest of the Pokemon gang.  In fact, once he gotten settled, Hogan got on stage and hosted the Pokemon National Championships.  But what really made Hulkster's meeting with Pokemon even more surreal is this:

 

  
Hogan cutting a Hulk-tacular promo on Pikachu????  I've seen plenty of Hulk Hogan promos before, but this has to be undoubtedly his greatest and finest promo ever.  By all means if I had to elect a president for the Pokemon Fan Club, he certainly gets my first-ballot vote.

9. Michael Jackson meets Webster meets Brooke Shields

When I first heard someone referencing Michael Jackson hanging out with Webster, I thought they were just making a joke about Jackson's molestation charges against young boys.  But as time went by, my curiosity took form and I had to look this up.  I simply typed in "Webster" and "Michael Jackson" in Google and lo and behold, this is what came up:

I couldn't believe it.  It's like my mind got raped seeing a picture of Michael Jackson cradling Webster in his arms like Bubbles the Monkey while Don King stands beside them.  No wonder people weren't surprised when they heard Jacko was allegedly molesting boys at his Never Land Ranch.  But just when you think things couldn't get any more bizarre, they actually do.  Apparently, Jackson and Ms. Brooke Shields had the hots for each other in the 80s; way before Brooke was Andre Agassi's bed notch and Michael shared the bed with Elvis' daughter and Macaulay Culkin.    

So when the 1984 Grammy Awards rolled right in, Michael was joined by Brooke Shields and Webster as they walked down the red carpet.  Hey, it looks like he needed a few extra hands that night as he went on to win a staggering 8 Grammys all because of Thriller.






8. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles meet Power Rangers

I know what you're probably thinking, "Shouldn't this be way much higher on the list?"  By all means yes, but let me provide some background on this titanic meeting of childhood heroes.

Back in the late 80's, Mirage Studios unleashed the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon and took the world by storm.  Kids badgered parents to buy them TMNT toys, t-shirts, dolls, etc. as they faithfully watched every episode of the cartoon.  A couple of years later, Bandai pulled the trigger on bringing out Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers to the U.S. and took over TMNT's reign.  As years passed and the kids who grew up on TMNT and Power Rangers got older, the Ninja Turtles were seemingly dormant while Bandai/Saban kept bringing out spinoff after spinoff of the Power Rangers (such as Turbo, Rangers In Space, and Lightspeed Rescue).  

However, in 1998, Bandai/Saban brought back TMNT for a live-action TV show which was quite similar to Power Rangers.  Although it was short-lived, it gave Bandai enough time to create an ultimate meeting between the Turtles and Power Rangers during an episode of Power Rangers In Space.  Unfortunately, this crossover didn't really have much of an impact as it should have because most kids by then moved on to other things like Pokemon.  Plus, Bandai both had TMNT and Power Rangers in their pockets, so it was somewhat expected that this would occur.  Pity this didn't happen sooner because this epic crossover went largely unnoticed.  Should had this happened back when TMNT and Power Rangers were at the peak of their popularity and going head-to-head against each other, then an entire nation of kids would spaz the fuck out and undoubtedly would have been the most surreal crossover ever.

7. Ultimate Warrior meets Phil Collins

 
Even if you've taken all the drugs in the world, you would have not thought up a pairing so outrageous. Now that I think about it, this would make a very good anti-drug PSA as this will warn kids to stay away from drugs or you'll end up like them.


So how did this happen?  Did Phil Collins finally go apeshit insane and lost it?  Did Ultimate Warrior needed to make some extra cash and become Collins' personal dancing monkey?  Let's hop in the Wayback Machine to 1990 where both men were at the peak of their careers as Collins was wooing soccer moms before they were soccer moms with "Another Day In Paradise" while Ultimate Warrior was tearing shit up in WWF.


Collins was definitely on a roll in the late 80's to early 90's when he was topping charts everywhere with his album ...But Seriously.  So by 1990, NBC decided to throw away its money just to make a Phil Collins TV special.  It wasn't a one-hour special to promote a brand new Phil Collins album or a world tour.  NBC gave us an hour of Phil Collins because he's bleedin' Phil Collins.  Throughout the show, we get a whole list of A-list, have been, and never have been celebrities like John Travolta, Bruce Willis, Gilbert Gottfried, John Candy, Don Johnson, Vanessa Williams, Weird Al Yankovic, and a whole bunch more.  The concept of the show is that network execs have to come up with ideas using a TV show with Phil Collins to save a network from getting beat in the ratings every Saturday night.  That's funny, sounds like NBC in it's current state with Saturday Night Live sucking nowadays (just replace Phil Collins with any dopey celebrity).

So for an entire hour, we get Gilbert Gottfried screeching to Collins some ideas he got while Collins becomes as fruity as he can be as a blues singer, a hip-hop artist, and the bastard child of Elvis Presley.  But the real highlight of the show comes when we see Phil Collins dancing in probably the gayest wrestling attire ever along with the Ultimate Warrior.  And yes, Warrior is dancing merrily along as well.  A few seconds later, Warrior remembers that queerin' doesn't make the world go 'round and begins to demolish Collins in a squash match.  I should mention all of this occurs while in the tune of "Two Hearts".

  

6. Johnny Cash meets Oscar the Grouch

There have been a staggering number of celebrities that took a stroll through Sesame Street.  From the likes of James Earl Jones spouting out the alphabet to Rick Moranis enjoying airplane food with Ernie to Katy Perry shaking her maracas at Elmo to Ice-T droppin' beats with the Bird, it seems like Sesame Street is open to everyone.  However, the Man in Black is the last person I'd expect to stumble onto Sesame Street.

His unlikely presence was felt without warning one day on Sesame Street when he wakes up Oscar the Grouch by banging his guitar against his "house".  Immediately, Johnny and Oscar became BFFs as Johnny went on to sing about Nasty Dan which Oscar becomes memorized by Johnny's crooning.  Oh, never mind that this was suppose to be a show for kids, Cash would go on to sing that Nasty Dan would "jump for joy when a little boy would trip and fall" and went on to marry Nasty Pearl and had a nasty kid.  At the end of the song, Johnny goes on to tell Oscar to have a rotten day.


Despite Johnny pretty much telling kids to eat shit and die, Sesame Street was still open for business for the Man in Black as he went on to appear several more times on the show.

5. Gilligan meets The Harlem Globetrotters

Who would have thought that all the efforts of establishing peaceful race relations in the United States could be virtually erased in one fell swoop?  Never mind Martin Luther King's famous speech about dreaming of a nation where people of different color can get along.  We're set back 50 years in American race relations thanks to Gilligan and his gang pairing up with the Harlem Globetrotters.

Without a doubt, Gilligan has to be whitest man you'll ever meet.  He's got a dopey sailor's hat and red cardigan, plus he fucks everything up as humanely as possible.  I highly doubt Bob Denver could last at least 10 seconds moseying down the street in Harlem.  Luckily for the Globetrotters though, Gilligan and his mentally handicapped crew (yes, even the Professor who could build anything except a way off the island) managed to FINALLY get off the island and be saved.  But without bothering to see what the hell happened in the made-for-TV movies before the Harlem Globetrotters showed up, apparently the gang converted the deserted island into a destination resort and the host of Supermarket Sweep runs the joint.  

The clusterfuck train certainly runs on through as "The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island" has some crazy and kooky storyline where Martin Landau and his wife are trying to take over the island by leading an army of basketball-playing robots.  But as if things couldn't possibly get even zanier, the NAACP implodes and race riots loom all over the nation as we are introduced to the first white members of the Harlem Globetrotters...Gilligan and the Skipper.

Somewhere, Jesse Jackson is howling in the wind.
 


4. Mickey Mouse meets Bugs Bunny

This ought to be the most unlikely pairing of animated icons.  On one hand, we have Disney's very own Mickey Mouse.  Undoubtedly the face of American capitalism, Mickey Mouse is Disney's poster mouse for wholesome good fun.  On the other hand, there is that wascally wabbit, Bugs Bunny, who's been raising hell to hunters, ducks, cowboys, and so on throughout his Looney Tunes career.  While Bugs may be a bit too hardcore for Mickey, it's kind of interesting to see how parallel how the Disney universe was with the Looney Tunes universe.


It would be a good 60 years before both universes finally collided in 1988 when Disney produced Who Framed Roger Rabbit? which was based off of Gary Wolf's Who Censored Roger Rabbit?  But don't thank Disney for managing to get Looney Tunes and Disney altogether (along with other toons like Droopy the Dog, Betty Boop, and Woody Woodpecker) for the film.  You can thank director and Indiana Jones rapist Steven Spielberg for getting them together.


But with this huge array of crossovers throughout the entire film like Daffy Duck and Donald Duck battling out on the piano, there's only one that truly matters and of course it involves Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny.

The lovable and grumpy Bob Hoskins had the privilege to be in the first ever scene with Mickey Mouse and Bugs Bunny, but something's not right.  I know Bugs is usually a jerk, but Mickey's a dick also?  C'mon Mickey, you know better.  It's amazing how spending a few seconds with someone can corrupt you. 






3. X-Men meets Star Trek

Now here's a shocker.  Having the X-Men team up with the crew of the U.S.S. Enterprise sounds like something a 35 year old neckbeard who's bored on Sunday afternoon would come up with in his mom's basement.  Let me reiterate that all of the crossovers I've mentioned so far - with the exception of Bruce Lee/Popeye - involve all of the parties' intellectual property owners and is considered canon.  With that in mind, you're probably thinking to yourself, "Just how in the blue friggin' hell did Wolverine and Captain Kirk get tangled up with each other?"

Glad you asked.   Like most comic book crossovers that are flat out absurd, a rift in time and space causes the X-Men to enter the same universe as the Star Trek crew including Capt. Kirk, Spock, Bones, and Scotty.  The X-Men manage to get aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise, but shortly after, Spock shatters everyone's world and kicks Wolverine's ass with a Vulcan never pinch.

As a way to end hours and hours of debate by nerds and fanboys alike on whether Wolverine or Mr. Spock was the strongest, now we finally know that Spock makes Logan his bitch.  Even though we're given a nonsensical plot that bullshits its way on explaining how X-Men and Star Trek crossed over, I think the real reason we got this crossover is because of this:

 If this scene made you laugh uncontrollably, then by all means you are a nerd.  But hey, if you're more into Next Generation than the original Star Trek, there's something for you as well.

2. Archie meets The Punisher

Not in a million years would I have expected to see this crossover.  

Archie, the swooner of teenaged girls, is as American as apple pie and the bald eagle.  So when Marvel and Archie Comics came together to do a comic crossover, it would have been kind of easy to figure out who Archie would team up with.  Captain America would've been the obvious choice.  Having Capt. America and Archie in the same comic panel would have made Uncle Sam blush.  Heck, Spider-Man and Iron Man would have been great picks for Archie as well.  But out of all the characters within the Marvel universe, Archie got stuck with professional hitman Frank Castle aka The Punisher.  Jesus Archie, what the hell did you do to get Punisher on your back?!?!?

Before you can cry Archie raped Betty, you'll find out if you pick up a copy of "Archie Meets The Punisher" that it's all a case of "har-har-hardy-har-har" mistaken identity.  As you see, a notorious red-haired drug dealer by the name of "Red" makes his way to Riverdale.  With Archie the only other red-haired person in Riverdale, he's pretty much fucked when Punisher comes to town and spots Archie first.  I don't wanna spoil what happens next, but let's just say that with gay marriages and interracial love triangles going down in Archie nowadays, anything goes.

1. George Bush meets Cartoon All-Stars

 Now talk about a crossover for the ages.  We got a whole sha-bang-bang of 80's and 90's Saturday morning cartoons all in one place.  We got the Smurfs, Winnie the Pooh, Alvin & the Chipmunks, Muppet Babies, Garfield, Bugs Bunny, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, Daffy Duck, Duck Tales, and ALF all in one setting.  Now that's one hell of a crossover smorgasbord to digest.  But these guys aren't here today just to prance around in the sun and go on a picnic.  Today it's pretty darn serious.  They're here to talk to you about DRUGS.

Oh god damnit Bugs, not like that!!!

No, they're here to tell you NOT to do drugs.  So how in the world did we get all of our favorite cartoon characters get into a serious chat about not smoking or boozing up in the playground?  It's all because of this guy:

Our 41st President of the United States, George Herbert Walker Bush.  If you were a kid growing up in the 80's, you know that Ronald Reagen and the government wanted you kids out there to know that drugs were EVIL.  Disregard the fact drug dealers' target demographics aren't necessarily first graders, but the Reagen Administration wanted to use your taxpayer money to get Little Johnny and Little Suzie to put down that crack pipe and check into rehab.  So when Bush Senior came into office following Reagen, he continued to make the anti-drug movement his number one priority, but took it a step farther by calling upon the Muppet Babies and other popular cartoons at the time to get the message across.

So with the help of McDonalds, Kellogg's Cereals, and public *coughtaxpayercough* funding, Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue became reality in April 1990 and Saturday mornings were never the same again.



You know when the President is kicking things off for a special, you know this special is...well, special.  As George and Barbara opened the show, we're brought into a whole dramatic piece about this kid named Michael who smokes weed, drinks booze, and probably does a lil' coke here and there and the Cartoon All-Stars are called to action.  But as you're watching along, you begin to wonder if the All-Stars forgot this was an anti-drug cartoon or a pro-drug one.  

Don't lie to me.  We all know that Michelangelo is a notorious stoner along with Alf and Simon (how the hell Simon knows it's marijuana?) while I'm certain the Muppet Babies are avid users of LSD and ketamine in order to support their overactive imaginations.  Plus Tigger might as well be a coke fiend and Garfield has to be on downers.

So maybe Mr. Bush should do a little bit more homework on who to cast for an anti-drug special, but it's all for a good cause, right?  It's unfortunate Bush Sr. didn't do this earlier with Bush Jr. along with Fred Flintstone and Felix the Cat to get off that crackpipe.