Top 10 Musical Fiascos of the 90's

Looking back at the 1990's, there was quite a variety of music to listen to during that decade.  There were genres like grunge, gangsta rap, nu-metal, boy band pop, teenie bopper pop, smooth jazz, alternative rock, techno, and so much more.  It wasn't hard to find your cup of tea depending on what kind of music you listened to.

But no matter the decade, you always have the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to music.  Of course with this being List Hell, we're gonna focus on the bad and the ugly of 90's music.  Disastrous concerts, annoying hit singles, horrible albums; there was no shortage of crap hitting the fan in the 1990's. 



10. Blaze Bayley and Tim "Ripper" Owens

 

The 1990's was an interesting decade for heavy metal to say the least.  Thrash metal bands of the 80's like Slayer, Exodus, Megadeth, and Anthrax were taking the backseat to nu-metal acts like Korn, Tool, Coal Chamber, and Deftones.  Meanwhile, legendary metal band Black Sabbath finally reunited with its original lineup (Ozzy Osbourne, Tony Iommi, Geezer Butler, and Bill Ward) in the 90's.  However, both Judas Priest and Iron Maiden took a hit that decade when their popular singers, Rob Halford and Bruce Dickinson respectively, left their bands.

Replacing Halford and Dickinson was no easy task for Iron Maiden and Judas Priest.  Whomever the bands chose to replace the vocalists had pretty big shoes to fill.  Talk to any heavy metal fan and they will most likely tell you that Judas Priest and Iron Maiden are the biggest names in metal music and undoubtedly the most influential just like Black Sabbath.  Halford sang in many of Judas Priest's best albums like Screaming For Vengeance, Stained Class, and British Steel while Dickinson has appeared in Iron Maiden's best such as The Number of the Beast, Powerslave, and Somewhere In Time.  

Iron Maiden was able to find Dickinson's replacement with one Blaze Bayley in 1994.  To give Bayley credit, he did perform in another metal band called Wolfsbane where he gained a decent reputation as a metal vocalist.  Meanwhile, Judas Priest was able to find Halford's replacement with Tim "Ripper" Owens.  The funny thing about Owens is that he was the lead singer of a Judas Priest tribute band before joining the very real Judas Priest.  In fact, he was the inspiration for the 2001 movie "Rock Star" starring "Marky" Mark Wahlberg as the movie featured the same route Owens went through in becoming a member of Judas Priest.

Now, were Bayley and Owens horrible vocalists?  Not at all.  Some say both singers were quite extraordinary singers to begin with.  However, business wise, they brought financial down ruin for their respective bands.  Iron Maiden saw their lowest selling album of all time with Blaze Bayley handling vocals while Judas Priest were dropped by their longtime label, Sony Records, while Owens was their vocalist.

Ultimately, both bands let go Bayley and Owens and brought back Dickinson and Halford.  With the classic vocalists back, both Iron Maiden and Judas Priest regained their positions as the leading heavy metal bands in the planet.  Bayley resorted to starting his own solo band and has found mild success on his own.  Meanwhile, Owens was tapped to be the lead singer of Iced Earth after longtime vocalist Matt Barlow left the band.  Ironically, Barlow returned to Iced Earth and Owens was kicked to the curb just like when Halford returned to Judas Priest.  

Again, I do not consider the singing quality of Blaze Bayley and Tim "Ripper" Owens to be musical fiascos.  However, as replacements to perhaps the most popular heavy metal singers of all time, they were definitely musical fiascos from a business perspective.   
  

9. The Macarena 

If you suffered from earworm back in the 90's, there was a good chance this unfortunate song would be playing in your head over and over again.

Like with other dance crazes such as the Electric Slide and Locomotion, the Macarena appeared out of the blue and everyone -- and I mean everyone -- started to do the Macarena.  One thing you probably didn't know about the "Macarena"; when it debuted in the U.S., the song was actually a remix when it first arrived here.  Originally, "Macarena" was just a plain rumba song that was all for fun and games when Los del Rio introduced the song to a dance party in Venezuela.  

However, shit hit the fan when someone thought it would be a great idea to bring that song to an international crowd.  From there, the "Macarena" song was remixed by one-hit wonder Bayside Boys and that's how we ended up with the "Macarena" polluting the entire nation.  Good lord, I cannot tell you how many times I was instructed how to do the Macarena dance during the mid 90's.  While the Macarena dance is not as popular these days, it should be no surprise why the song and dance were ranked as the number one "One-Hit Wonder" of all time.


8. Michael Bolton 

 
If there's one thing I can clearly remember about the early 90's (1990-1993) is that it was pretty cheesy and corny like Fritos in cheese dip.  Reason why?  People started to get into "soft rock" a.k.a. pussy rock.

For some reason I cannot fully grasp, soft rock was all the rage during the early 90's.  Singers like Phil Collins and Sting ditched their bands to capitalize on swooning hipsters and soccer moms during those time in order to cash in on the soft rock craze.  But there was no "greater" musician than Michael Bolton who enslaved the world with a form of rock music that would make kids musician Raffi seem like Slayer.

Believe or not, Michael Bolton was pretty damn popular in the early 90's.  Don't believe me?  Consider the fact he won Grammy awards as Best Pop Male Vocal Performance in the 90's.  That's right; he was considered the most popular vocalist in the world according to Grammy judges in the early 90's.  

Trust me folks; I know people say time does not age well for certain individuals, but in Michael Bolton's case, it's a god damn fiasco when the years go by listening to Michael Bolton's music.



7. Joey Lawrence - "Nothing My Love Can't Fix"

 
SPEAKING of early 90's corniness, our good friend Joey Lawrence was just as bad.  What?  You don't remember Joey Lawrence?  Well all you got to remember about him is he was the dope on the TV show "Blossom" who said "Whoa" like a million times.

During the early 90's, it was not uncommon for sitcom actors to pretend they were big time rock stars.  Uncle Jesse (John Stamos) on Full House was a major rock star while Zack Morris (Mark-Paul Gosselaar) dreamed of forming his own band on Saved By the Bell.  However, Jesse Lawrence, as Jesse Russo on Blossom, took it a step further by not only pretending to be a rock star on a TV show, but made an actual music CD under his real name.

 
It should be no surprise that Joey...err, Joseph as he wants to be called these days, looks like this today:

So Mr. Lawrence; did your love fix whatever it was suppose to?

6. Hootie & the Blowfish

One thing is for certain: Hootie does blow.  While some people say they're one of the best rock/alternative bands of the 1990's; there's no denying Hootie & the Blowfish are flatout corny as hell.

Look folks, I got nothing against an African-American fronting a rock/alternative band.  But when you make the band so obnoxiously bad while other rock bands with African-American frontmen (Living Colour, Jimi Hendirx, and Fishbone) have done it way much better, you know Hootie & the Blowfish sucks.  In fact, you know you band have become a complete joke when your lead man, Darius Rucker, is now doing commercials for Burger King as a country singer who's trying to hawk the chain's new chicken sandwich.

5. Michael Jackson's "Ghost" Music Video

Most Michael Jackson fans agree his "Thriller" music video was hands down the best music video ever produced in the 80's.  But in the 90's, Jackson wanted lightning to strike twice when he teamed up with creepy bastard/author Stephen King to make the music video for "Ghosts".   Unfortunately for Jacko, this Ghosts project wound up to be a big time failure.

For one thing, it's quite obvious Jackson wanted to make this the second coming of his famous "Thriller" music video.  Yes it's extraordinarily long, yes it features the most popular pop singer of all time, yes it has a horror theme to it; but it was by no means the second-coming of Thriller.  I don't think it helped Michael Jackson while dealing with his molestation trial when his music video was all about preteen boys who's wildly fascinated with Wacko Jacko.  Why Jackson had to spend a ton of money for special effects and makeup for "Ghosts" is beyond me when all he needs is just his "natural" look since he already looked like a freak.  Also, there's something eerily ironic about Michael Jackson dressing up as a white, fat, old man for the music video because with his conversion of being a black man to a white one, it's like he was fulfilling a lifelong dream.     

4. Vanilla Ice

Oh dear...this is rather unfortunate.  Not only did Vanilla Ice give white people a bad name in the 90's, but also for the entire human race.

Believe it or not, as a white boy who wanted to rap, he actually opened for N.W.A., MC Hammer, and 2 Live Crew before he made it big.  Even more crazy, his early career mirrored the same of an actual rapper when he was stabbed outside a night club and managed to get signed to a major record contract while in the hospital.  That's pretty damn impressive if you ask me, but for the rest of the sane world, seeing Vanilla Ice roll with his posse was like seeing the biggest wigger in the world pretending to be the best rapper in the world.

I'm guessing we were pretty dumb back then to allow Vanilla Ice to make such an impact in the music industry.  Throughout the early 90's, Vanilla Ice managed to score multiple platinum-selling albums, his own movie, and had his own merchandising blitz no one would have dreamed of.  Also, Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" was notorious of sampling music from Queen and David Bowie's "Under Pressure".  While the practice of rappers sampling lines from other rock musicians like 2 Live Krew sampling Bruce Springsteen for "Banned in the U.S.A." and Puff Daddy sampling The Police with "I'll Be Missing You", Vanilla Ice became the whipping boy for such practices.  White rappers like Eminem still manage to be a big fuckin' deal, but seeing Vanilla Ice to make it top of the world in the 90's is like witnessing the "Why did the chicken cross the road" joke being first told.
    

3. Rock and Rap Collaborations

Rock and rap musicians collaborating with each other wasn't brand new in the 90's.  In fact, Aerosmith and Run DMC did it first in 1986 when the two joined forces to remake Aerosmith's hit song, "Walk This Way", from the 70's.  But during the 90's, mixing rock and rap was like putting dogs and cats together.  In order to make amends between the two genres, music execs thought it would be a cute idea to mesh rap and rock into one opus rockus.  Therefore, we wound up with "delightful" mixups like this one with Puff Daddy and Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin.

Let's be honest; seeing rockers and rappers work together was like seeing Israelis and Palestinians coexisting with each other.  They absolutely had no business being in the same room.  Yet, throughout the 90's, we've seen countless rock and rap collaborations.  There have been instances where Ozzy Osbourne and Busta Rhymes dropped beats together,  Black Sabbath learning Wu-Tang Clan ain't nottin' to fuck with, Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails laying down some tracks for the late Biggie Smalls, and Anthrax going full gangsta with Public Enemy.  I'm guessing during those years people didn't mind to such collaborations, but with today's society, it's flat out repulsive to see Ozzy Osbourne to hang out with Lil' John in remixing "Crazy Train" with "YEAH!" thrown into the mix. 



2. Milli Vanilli 

You just can't have a list about musical atrocities of the 1990's without Milli Vanilli.  If you don't remember or weren't around when Milli Vanilli became notorious in music lore, let's just say they were the classic example of "never mind the man behind the curtain" in pop music.

Those two guys you see in the picture?  They had no part in the multi-platinum selling album that made Milli Vanilli famous and earned them a Grammy award.  Their only purpose in Milli Vanilli was for stage looks.  The actual people to sing on the Girl You Know It's True record were these guys:

That's right; Milli Vanilli was mostly Brad Howell and John Davis.  If I didn't know any better, I think the reason why they didn't appear and were replaced by Rob Pilatus and Fab Morvan as the face of Milli Vanilli was because of looks.  I don't think the public would be inclined to boost Milli Vanilli to stardom if your group consists of middle-aged men and one of them is overweight, sporting a hideous jheri curl, and wears glasses.

So what happened that the jig was up for Milli Vanilli?  It started back when they were doing a concert at Lake Compounce Theme Park in Connecticut.  Now hold on a minute, an amusement park doesn't necessarily sound like the appropriate venue for a wildly popular band at the time.  It probably makes a lot of sense for Milli Vanilli if this was today, but to say they were performing in front of a crowd at a theme park in 1990 would be like saying Rihanna performing live at Splish Splash Water Kingdom or Taylor Swift playing a concert at Uncle Moe's County Fairgrounds.  Anyway, Milli Vanilli were "performing" when all of a sudden, the tape got stuck and the lyrics "Girl you know it's" kept playing over and over again while Pilatus and Morvan looked like deer in headlights and danced away to the looping track.  While this incident was well-documented in Milli Vanilli's downfall, this wasn't the moment where things headed south big time for the Germans.

That particular moment would occur when one of the lip-synching Milli Vanilli members proclaimed the band as the "next Elvis" and were more talented than Mick Jagger, Bob Dylan, and Paul McCartney in a Time magazine interview.  Shortly after, one of the real Milli Vanilli singers went to the press to reveal that Pilatus and Morvan were frauds and they were the real singers behind the band.  The backlash was immediate and the pressure had gotten too much for our lip-synching duo that they finally broke and spilled the beans.  After their revelation, Milli Vanilli was stripped of their Grammy, dropped by their record label, and all further printing of their hit Girl You Know It's True album was halted.  The biggest kick in the balls to Milli Vanilli came when their record label, Arista Records and BMG Music Group, agreed to an out-of-court settlement as fans were entitled to refunds if they purchased the Girl You Know It's True album and any of their live concerts (including the infamous Lake Compounce show).  Overall, approximately 10 million people were eligible for a refund because of Milli Vanilli.

You know, I think that number should've increased by another million since Milli Vanilli was hanging out with Mario on the Super Mario Bros. 3 cartoon...

I'm certain Princess Peach went ballistic when she heard the news and demanded her coins back.         

1. Woodstock '99 

The original Woodstock music festival in 1969 was clearly the most influential music event that took place in modern music.  It was three days of peace, love, and good ol' rock music in upstate New York in August of '69.  Anyway, take a look at the lineup for the original Woodstock event.

Jimi Hendrix, The Who, Janis Joplin, Crosby Stills & Nash, Neil Young, Santana, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Grateful Dead, Sly & the Family Stone, Jefferson Airplane, The Band, Mountain, Johnny Winter, Sha-Na-Na, Blood Sweat & Tears, Joe Cocker, Joan Baez, Country Joe McDonald, Canned Heat, The Incredible String Band, and more

30 years later, Woodstock would be brought back in 1999.  Was it the same three days of peace, love, and rock music?  Well, take a look at the lineup for the 1999 event.

Rage Against the Machine, Metallica, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Megadeth, Limp Bizkit, Korn, Insane Clown Posse, Bush, DMX, Lit, Buckcherry, The Offspring, Sheryl Crow, Kid Rock, Ice Cube, Los Lobos, Fatboy Slim, The Chemical Brothers, Creed, Godsmack, Sevendust, Jewel, Elvis Costello, Everlast, Dave Matthews Band, Jamiroquai, The Roots, James Brown, Wyclef Jean, Moby, Everclear, Alanis Morrisette, and more

Holy shit, what the hell happened?  We go from Hendrix, The Who, and Creedence Clearwater to Insane Clown Posse, Ice Cube, and L-Limp Bizkit?  Talk about the biggest antithesis in music history. 

While there have been Woodstock revivals before in 1989 and 1994, at least they were pretty much faithful to the original Woodstock event.  The 1999 Woodstock?  Not at all.  The problem was the generation of young people during the late 90's were living in the "MTV Generation".  The "MTV Generation" was corporate-fueled, loud and obnoxious, and kids were willing to spend money.  Comparing Woodstock '69 with Woodstock '99, the only common thing they shared was the name.  

With the original Woodstock in 1969, it was strictly an all-rock lineup, there was a rainy forecast that created mud fields at the venue, it was free to the public, and everyone had a good time.  Meanwhile, with Woodstock 1999, it was a varied lineup of rap, metal, techno, pop, and country bands, there was a heatwave with record temperatures reaching 100 degrees, it cost you an arm and a leg for tickets, and everyone had a miserable time.  The only plus side about Woodstock '99 is that the location was in Rome, NY where the original Woodstock festival was meant to be as the '69 event moved from the Rome location and took place a few miles away at Bethel, NY.  

The biggest problem with Woodstock '99 is that the corporate sponsors depraved all the soul of the original Woodstock festival and replaced it with 5-dollar water bottles, ATMs, and expensive merchandise.  If it wasn't obvious how ill-conceived Woodstock '99 was, consider the fact the festival ended with a riot where MTV crew members were forced to flee and there were reports of rape, arson, and assault that took place throughout the music fest.  I remember seeing Kurt Loder crapping his pants and made it seem like he was in Vietnam. 

As a kid just about to enter high school in summer of '99, I was fascinated by all the hoopla brought by the media blitz behind Woodstock '99.  I can remember listening to my local K-Rock station for coverage of the event and MTV hyping it up to be the greatest music concert of all time.  Now that I look back in 2012, I believe Woodstock 1999 is the biggest musical fiasco to occur in the 1990's.   

After what happened at Woodstock '99, I'm not surprised why most of the world hates Limp Bizkit.  Originally I thought they were just a "shits and giggles" rap metal band, but after hearing reports of rape and vandalism during their set at Woodstock '99, it's no wonder they're universally despised by most people today.  

   

Ten Reasons Vince McMahon is Batshit Insane

You got to hand it to Vince McMahon; since 1982 he has created an entertainment conglomerate by mixing professional wrestling and nutty, over-the-top storylines to make World Wrestling Entertainment (formerly World Wrestling Federation) a soap opera for men.  You can argue that the WWE is cartoon-ish and downright insane, but as the ringleader of this multimillion dollar circus, Vince must be doing something right.

However, while like many other millionaires and billionaires with egos such as Mark Cuban and Donald Trump, McMahon takes it a step further by doing some of the most ridiculous and crazy things that makes him fucking nuts.  Yeah, I suppose it makes sense the mastermind behind WWE to be loopy just like the product.  Only Vince McMahon could come up with ideas like a porn star getting his penis chopped off by the Japanese mafia, a Thanksgiving turkey that could wrestle, having two elderly men fight in drag during a title fight, and a leprechaun becoming Vince's illegitimate son.  But there are some things that go way beyond sanity that McMahon has pulled off throughout the years.  If you followed WWE for quite awhile, then you know how crazy McMahon can be with his business decisions.  So today, let's take a look on some of the reasons that Vince McMahon is truly batshit insane.


1. The Kiss My Ass Club

Sorry ladies (or guys if that's the way you swing).  There's nothing erotic about Vince McMahon showing his bare ass to a television audience while full grown men get their faces rubbed all over Vince's rump.  I'm guessing McMahon wanted to take the concept of "brown nosing" and bring it to the next level.

Never mind that it's humiliating for Jim Ross, William Regal, Shawn Michaels, and others to have their faces implanted right up McMahon's ass crack.  This was Vince McMahon's excuse to show his bare behind on national TV.  Call it narcissism, but Vince had no problem at all dropping his trousers and having men pucker up their lips and give Vince's rump a big wet kiss.  In Vince's mind, this was the equivalent of any sports commissioner publicly humiliating a disobedient player on national TV.  Just imagine Alex Rodriguez giving Bud Selig a blowjob during a Yankees broadcast or the New Orleans Saints defensive squad gang bang Roger Goddell on Monday Night Football.  I could see Vince gloating, "Damnit, this is the only sports (entertainment) company where the boss really gets his ass kissed!"  But for the rest of us, we were groaning, "For the love of God, pull your pants up old man.  No one wants to see your old wrinkly, pimply ass."


Thankfully for WWE audiences, the company has toned down its product to a PG rating, so the threat of seeing Vince's ass is less likely now. 



2. Letting Al Sharpton Guest Host Monday Night Raw

I don't know what the reverend was thinking, but I'm certain Vince paid a helluva lot of money to have him appear on Monday Night Raw in 2009.  Some see Sharpton as an advocate of civil rights.  Others see him as a polarizing figure who shoves his political agenda down your throat.  But no matter if you lean towards the left-wing or the right-wing, most of us can agree that putting Al Sharpton in front of a WWE crowd is a horrible idea.


From 2009 to 2011, WWE had celebrity guest hosts for Monday Night Raw.  It was pretty big range of celebrities with the likenesses Snoop Dogg, Pete Rose, Ozzy Osbourne, Pee-Wee Herman, Bob Barker, Criss Angel, Mike Tyson, Cheech & Chong, and Buzz Aldrin.  Most of the time, the guest hosts would just be there to promote a new movie, a TV show, or a new book. The others would just show up because they've got nothing better to do that particular Monday night.  But for Sharpton, he was on Raw to promote his educational reforms...huh?

Apparently, the story was Rev. Sharpton along with Newt Gingrich were going on a four-city tour to raise awareness of the "achievement gap" that public education in America is facing.  It would've made more sense for Sharpton and Gingrich to promote their tour at actual school campuses, but for whatever reason he decided to do this on WWE television other than Vince paying him top dollar to appear, we'll never know.  But before Sharpton could even tell the crowd the reason he was there that night, the audience booed him mercilessly.  The people in Albany HATED Sharpton; he wasn't even suppose to be a bad guy.  The reverend should be glad this wasn't somewhere like Alabama or Texas because they really would've killed him there.  Either way, Sharpton's was considered to be the worst Raw guest host and the episode itself was too dreadful to watch.

 3. The World Bodybuilding Federation

Ever wondered what Vince did with that extra surplus of steroids back in the day before he could get caught by the feds?  Look no further than the World Bodybuilding Federation.

In case if you didn't know, McMahon loved his wrestlers to be big, muscular giants that looked like they were chiseled out of stone.  So it was no surprise that McMahon started up the World Bodybuilding Federation in 1991 to complement the WWF.  But there was one catch.  The WBF would actually mirror the same gimmick-orientated shows like the WWF.  So instead of Bruno Beefarms just strutting his stuff, we'd get bodybuilders dressed up as army men, surfers, construction workers, Las Vegas entertainers, and whatever other occupation they could think of.  If you listen to Vince squeal like a 12-year-old Justin Bieber fan when commentating on the "action", you'll figure out that the WBF was only created in order to satisfy Vince's lust for steroid-loaded men.

      
Did I mention McMahon held WBF pay-per-views?  That's right; McMahon honestly believed people would be willing to pay $30 to $40 to watch greased up bodybuilders walk down the catwalk while dressed up as a roided-out Mr. Peanut and Vince acting like a dog in heat on commentary.  Oh, and when I said "action", I meant it's only a bunch of bodybuilders on steroids flexing their muscles in the most unsettling matter.  Imagine sitting through this for 2 hours.  It should come to no surprise that the World Bodybuilding Federation only lasted for one year as Vince finally realized the company wasn't making money at all.  You know, watching WBF reminds me of the Cho Aniki video game.

4. Creating the Most Ridiculous Gimmicks of All-Time 

  
A repo man, a white man who believes he's black, a tugboat operator, a plumber, a Hispanic man who believes he's white, a hockey player, a clown with his midget clown, and a baseball player who's on strike.  This is just a tiny sample of all the "great" brainchild ideas Vince McMahon had throughout the company's history.  Never mind if you were a professional wrestler who was a great in-ring performer and knows how to work the mic.  When you signed up with the company, the first order of business was to come up with a gimmick for your character.  

Back in the 80's and 90's, Vince coming up with a gimmick for his wrestlers was like playing Madlibs.  Take for example the story of Bob Holly.  Most of you wrestling fans may know him better as Hardcore Holly, but when he started off with the WWF in 1994, he was known as Thurman "Sparky" Plugg; an ex-NASCAR racer who wanted to take his career to the next level by competing in the WWF.  Or how about "Mr. USA" Tony Atlas?  When he returned to the WWF in 1991, Vince perhaps gave him one of the most racist gimmicks in wrestling as Saba Simba, the spear-carrying African Warrior.

If you wanted to work for the WWE, you had to swallow your pride and expect the unexpected.  You just prayed to God that Vince wasn't acting weird at the time when he was coming up with a gimmick for you.  ECW's Balls Mahoney was a victim of Vince's absurd thinking when he came to WWF in 1995 as "Xanta Klaus", Santa Claus' evil brother who lived in the South Pole and stole gifts from children instead of giving them. 

And these gimmicks weren't just limited to job occupations.  It's not uncommon to see WWE superstars stuck with having amnesia, stricken by temporary blindness, or renouncing their American citizenship in order to align themselves to the evil empire of Canada. Even worse, established wrestlers like the Road Warriors and the British Bulldogs were given "mascots" to accompany them down the ring.  So next time you see a generic wrestler on TV who has zero personality, just be glad he's not stuck with an idiotic gimmick like a dentist who wrestles.   
     


5. Incest is His Fetish

Just about everyone has a fetish or taboo they indulge in.  Some have feet fetishes, others got bondage, and there those who find balloons to be sexually arousing.  For Vince, though, it looks like he's got a thing for incest.

No, no, he doesn't want to have sex with his daughter Stephanie or his son Shane, but for a while, Vince has always wanted to "push the boundaries" and have incest involved in his program.  In his mind, incest is the ultimate taboo on television.  He'd have his wish of making headlines for all the wrong reasons.  So when Stephanie McMahon was pregnant with her first kid in 2006, Vince pitched the idea to her that instead of saying the child was Triple H's (who is in fact Stephanie McMahon's real life husband), the child would actually be Vince's.  Luckily for the rest of us, Stephanie isn't batshit insane like her father and rejected the storyline.  

But wait!  Instead of just moving on, Vince came back to her with another idea.  Why not make the father her brother, Shane McMahon?  Once again good taste prevails and Stephanie said no to the idea.  As for Vince, he was down, but not out in getting his incest plot into the WWE.

So in 2008 Vince brought in Paul Burchill and Katie Lea with an incest-type gimmick.  For the gimmick, Burchill and Lea were suppose to be a brother-sister team in which Lea would imply she was sexually attracted to her "brother", Burchill, while Burchill would state he'd do anything for his "sister".  Vince finally got what he wanted; an incest angle on WWE programming.  So did this bring all the tabloid headlines that incest was being displayed on the WWE and that Vince has finally crossed the line?  Not at all.  In fact, the Burchill-Lea duo barely got any crowd heat for their incest gimmick and were pretty much indifferent to the whole thing.  Burchill and Lea floundered around WWE's B-shows like Heat and Superstars for the rest of their tenure in WWE and Vince never got to see his dream fulfilled of creating the ultimate "incest" controversy.

Be thankful the WWE is now focused on a PG rating.  Just like with the Kiss My Ass Club, the world is now a better place now that Vince's incest fetish doesn't have to be implanted all over Monday Night Raw and Smackdown.      


6. The Mike Adamle Project 

You got to admit; Mike Adamle has one hell of an impressive resume.  He played NFL football as a running back in the 70's, announced and hosted numerous sports programs such as American Gladiators and the Summer Olympics, and has competed in a Ironman Triathlon while he was 60 years old.  So what could go wrong with Adamle coming to the WWE?  Everything.

I won't blame Vince for his initial reasoning in bringing in Adamle.  Hell, back in the early 90's, WWF Superstars would lead into American Gladiators every Saturday afternoon.  You'd think maybe Adamle may have been a follower of the WWE product since they were tied together.  But unfortunately, that wasn't the case.  In his debut at Royal Rumble 2008, he'd screwed up announcing Jeff Hardy's name as "Jeff Harvey".  For Adamle, it would be the beginning of a downward spiral for him.

At first, Adamle's role was backstage interviewer and everything was taped, so the damage wasn't as bad.  But when it came to time to replace fan-favorite Joey Styles on WWE's version of ECW, Adamle was given the ball and was immediately dropped right out the opening gate.  2008 was becoming the Year of the Adamle.

There wouldn't be a single episode of WWECW (yes, it's certainly not the true and original ECW most of us loved) without Adamle fumbling over his words or goofing up on wrestler's name.  The biggest fuck up he did was even getting the company's name wrong by calling it the WW.  It was obvious that Adamle was unfit for live television and came off as a complete moron.  It gotten so bad to the point where Adamle had to apologize for his awful play-by-play announcing in front of a live TV audience.  But instead of releasing Adamle from his contract, McMahon encouraged him to stay.  I don't know if Vince watches the TV with the mute button on, but he somehow looked past all the myriad of mistakes he pulled off during his time as ECW announcer.  

So after a few of months of mispronunciations and wrong name calling, Vince promoted Adamle's on-air character to Raw General Manager.  Despite going to a taped and live role as Raw GM, he still made mistakes both live and while taped. Finally on October 29, the Mike Adamle Project officially came to an end when Adamle got the message from fans that this wasn't working out at all and left the company.  Vince, on the other hand, was reluctant to let Adamle go.  Fans, co-workers, wrestlers all hated Adamle, but Vince seemed like to be his only supporter.  I really don't know what McMahon sees in Adamle, but I wouldn't be surprised he would have kept Adamle on the payroll after being charged with child pornography and started calling him "Lance McManner". 

Don't feel too bad for Adamle.  He now has a job as a NBC sports reporter in Chicago, but just like in WWE, he's bound to make a few goofs every once and awhile.   

     

7. His Bastard Son is a Leprechaun

2007 was a bad year for the World Wrestling Entertainment.  Chris Benoit went psycho and killed his family and himself, top stars were getting injured from left to right, and PPV buyrates were dropping to all-time lows.  Something had to be done.

McMahon originally had this grand scheme where he was going to fake his own death after the limo he was riding exploded on an episode of Monday Night Raw.  But after the Benoit incident took place, the storyline was shelved permanently and no further mention of Vince's death was made.  However, Vince wasn't ready to quit on his master plan.  He was packing another bomb...shell up his sleeve in the form of a paternity lawsuit.

Like many other soap operas, WWE was now embroiled in a paternity suit where Vince McMahon had to find out which one of his employees is his illegitimate son.  For weeks and weeks, WWE audiences were stuck with dopey backstage sketches where Vince would gloat about his sexcapades with different varieties of women (big, small, black, fat, transexual, etc.) and played guessing games with wrestlers like The Boogeyman, Santino Marella, and Hacksaw Jim Duggan.

Despite all the lame skits, the payoff was actually going to be big because up-and-coming WWE superstar Mr. Kennedy was all set to be revealed as Vince's son.

     
Unfortunately for Kennedy, he was one of the first violators of WWE's newly implemented Wellness Policy and was suspended for 30 days.  So much for Kennedy's rise to main event status.  So what other man was next in line to receive his main event push and get increased television time?  How bout this (half) man, Hornswoggle?

Yes, a wrestling leprechaun.  Ironically, not only was he Vince's bastard son, but he was known as "Little Bastard" when he first debuted in WWE as fellow Irishman, Finlay's manager.  So what was the payoff now that Hornswoggle has been revealed as Vince McMahon's son?  Months and months of more dopey backstage sketches!

That's right folks.  For the next couple of months, Monday Night Raw was mostly devoted to stupid Hornswoggle bits that took pages out from Looney Tunes.  This was all along Vince's master plan to get viewers to tune back in to WWE.  In the end, it was revealed that Vince McMahon wasn't Hornswoggle's father at all and the entire storyline did little to nothing in gaining new and returning viewers.    

8. He Loves to Torture a Bell's Palsy Victim

 
In case if you're not familiar who Jim Ross is, I'll cut to the chase and say he is one of the most well-respected wrestling announcers of all time.  He certainly has his work cut out for him as good ol' J.R. has announced numerous matches in both WWE and WCW.  Many wrestlers are actually honored to have him do play-by-play for their matches.  But one thing many of you probably don't know about Jim Ross is that he suffers from Bell's palsy.  Bell's palsy is a medical condition that's a form of facial paralysis.  Reportedly, because of Ross' condition, McMahon once said Ross was visually unpleasant for TV. Even though Ross has defied the odds and overcame them, Vince has developed a masochistic relationship with him and always finds ways to torture poor ol' J.R.     


Shortly after he completed his first year with the company, Ross had his first attack of Bell's palsy and instead of being compassionate, WWF fired him from the company.   He was brought back for a couple of months later as Vince was busy with the steroids trial he was caught up with in 1994.  Once McMahon was acquitted of all charges, J.R. was shown the door once again.  Amazingly, WWF gave Ross yet another chance by rehiring him and finally became a fixture on WWF/WWE television.  But that hasn't stopped Vince in humiliating and ribbing Ross on-air.

One infamous moment came in 2005 when Monday Night Raw moved back to the USA Network after a five year stint with Spike TV.  In a storyline, the McMahon family was pissed at Ross for laughing at them while "Stone Cold" Steve Austin gave each of them a Stunner.  So after getting kicked in the balls by then-WWE CEO Linda McMahon, Ross was "fired"; he wasn't really fired as this was a way to make up a story to explain his absence.  He was in fact taking time off for a major colon surgery.  However, Vince thought it would be hilarious to poke fun at Ross' real-life ailment as a segment on Raw.

        
Only Vince could reuse the same crap that was from the horrendous Katie Vick angle in order to humiliate J.R.  Another instance of McMahon ribbing Ross on-air was when Ross learned for the first time along with everyone else watching was his Raw announcing position being replaced by Michael Cole and he was sent packing to Friday Night Smackdown.  Ross was visibly peeved when the announcement was made during the 2008 WWE Draft.  Many felt this was a low blow by McMahon because of Ross' years of service with the company.  

Even to this day, Vince continues to find ways to poke fun at the Oklahoman.  For example, McMahon uses Michael Cole to verbally abuse and berate Ross whenever he has the chance.  Just recently, Ross was put into challenges like a rap battle and a dance off with Cole in order to make him look like a total fool.  I know this is all done to further Cole's status as a villain, but in reality, it's Vince who's feeding Cole what to say or do about J.R.

I'll give Ross credit where it's due.  Despite being harassed by McMahon for all these years, he still is with WWE.       


9. The Mae Young Reign of Terror 2000

Damn, now this granny can fight.  Mae Young was one of the original female wrestlers of the golden age of wrestling during the 1940s and 1950s.  In fact, when she was in high school, she made it on the boy's wrestling team.  Now that's one tough cookie if you ask me.

But let's fast track to 1999 when Vince brought in a 76-year-old Mae Young along with her longtime pal Fabulous Moolah to WWF.  They would appear on Raw and Smackdown from time to time as comic relief as Fabulous Moolah even won the Women's Championship to become the oldest champion at the age of 76.  But as the new century was coming, the year 2000 would rear its ugly head when Vince used Mae Young as the punchline to flat-out terrible geriatric antics.

It all started at the beginning of the new year when Mae Young thought she was just as good looking as the rest of the WWE Divas like Ivory and The Kat.  So at Royal Rumble 2000 in New York City, Mae Young entered herself in the swimsuit competition and showed the world her old, sagging tits.

Allegedly, she was wearing a prosthetic piece that looked like granny boobs when she pulled down her swimsuit.  It is said that Vince was a huge fan of "There's Something About Mary" and wanted to use the same bit where Matt Dillion was staring at sagging, old boobs through his binoculars.  I was actually there at the Royal Rumble PPV, but I cannot either confirm or deny this was true because I simply turned my head away in horror because I did not want to be scarred for life at a young age.  Even if I was a brave soul and looked for images with Mae Young showing her "puppies", I'd probably get banned for life from Blogspot for posting them on here.

As you thought Vince was done with having Mae Young showing her sagging boobs in public, think again.  Things got really out of hand (no pun intended as you'll see later) when Mae Young started an on-screen relationship with "Sexual Chocolate" Mark Henry.  The former 1996 Olympian Mark Henry had apparently turned into a sexual addict and proclaimed himself as the "Sexual Chocolate" after being romantically involved with just about anything from Chyna to a drag queen named Sammy.  So "Sexual Chocolate" wanted it to take it up a notch and started going for the mature types like Mae Young...

Vince thought it would be a great idea to bring Mae Young and Mark Henry's romance to higher territory as on an episode of Raw, Mae Young had a shocking announcement: she was pregnant with Mark Henry's child!  Good god!  Now that's one bombshell that's too hot for regular soap operas.  But as weeks went by, something seemed quite odd about all this.  Mae kept smoking her cigars and never had miscarriage when the Dudley Boyz powerbombed her through a table while running off a ramp.  Was Mae lying to Mark about carrying his "Chocolate Baby"?

Eventually, she was still "pregnant" as her water finally broke on an episode of Raw.  And well....I'll let the video do the talking.

There you have it; all of that just for one really awful pun.  Vince really does have a sick, twisted sense of humor.
  
10. The XFL

Remember when John Lennon caught shit for saying the Beatles were bigger than Jesus, even though he wasn't serious?  Vince McMahon had that same moment when he said the XFL was bigger than the NFL, but the difference was he was dead serious.

McMahon had every reason to be cocky and brash while living on Cloud 9 in 2000.  The WWF was making millions and millions of dollars while his main competitor, World Championship Wrestling, was down on its last legs.  Like a shark smelling blood, he knew his company has finally become the only top dog in the business and eventually purchased WCW in March 2001.  It was time for Vince to look for new game.  His next target: football.

In perhaps a shot at the NFL because Monday Night Football and Monday Night Raw are main rivals in the TV ratings war, McMahon teamed up with NBC to create the XFL football league (despite popular belief, the XFL did not stand for Xtreme Football League).  McMahon had envisioned the XFL to be a man's man football league, unlike the "wimpy" NFL with their penalties.  In order to differentiate itself from the NFL, the XFL had certain rules that suppose to make the game "tougher".  For starters, instead of the coin toss, one player of each team would scramble for the ball in order to determine who gets possession first.  Other rule changes were the elimination of pass interference calls and forward passes were allowed.  But as you'll see later on, tinkering with the rules too much can cause trouble.

So when it was set in stone that the XFL would finally kick off in February 2001, Vince when on a marketing PR blitz for the new league.  But weeks before the first game happened, a incident occurred where one of the XFL blimps that was promoting the upcoming season crashed into a harbor in Oakland.

 
I don't know about you, but that's gotta be one hell of an omen for Vince.

So after much pomp and circumstance, the XFL finally made its debut on February 3, 2001 in a matchup game between the New York/New Jersey Hitmen and the Las Vegas Outlaws.  Amazingly, the first-ever XFL game on NBC did a 9.5 TV rating with more than 14 million viewers tuning in to the game.  But good times would not last for long for Vince and NBC.  The ratings took a huge nosedive afterwards as viewership took a dramatic decline.  It got so bad that the week following the first one brought in a 4.6 rating.  That's a loss of about 6 million viewers.  The following week, ratings slipped to 3.6 and it just got worse from there.  Even on the other networks where the league was shown like UPN and TNN, some games didn't even register in the ratings because not that many people watched them.  Plus, one of the televised games on NBC has earned the distinction of being the lowest-rated prime time sports program in history with a 1.6 rating.  When it was all said and done by the end of the first and only XFL season, the championship game pulled in a 2.5 rating for NBC.

So what was the culprit in XFL's dramatic decline in ratings?  There were a lot actually.  For starters, critics argued that Vince made the XFL feel like it was watching the WWF as a football game.  Wrestling commentators such as Jim Ross and Jesse Ventura were announcing the games, players were making locker room promos similar to backstage promos on WWE, coaches and announcers were barking at the players over the PA system like a manager would scream at their wrestler, and XFL cheerleaders were being paraded around like WWE divas.  In fact, during one broadcast of the game, the league boasted that it was going to have its cameras inside the cheerleaders' locker room when it turned out to be a really corny sketch involving Vince McMahon that you would normally find on Monday Night Raw.  Oh, to top it all off, our good friend Mike Adamle was also announcing games too.

Another problem with the XFL was the performance (or lack thereof).  While many weren't necessarily expecting NFL-caliber play, audiences grew bored watching the games like it was a glorified Arena Football League game.  Not to say all the players sucked -- Tommy Maddox became the XFL's only M.V.P. at the end of the season and revived his football career the following year player as the Pittsburgh Steelers' starting quarterback --  but with confusing rule changes that Vince implemented to the league, this hindered the game play as players seemed to be confused what was going on.

Also it didn't help that there was virtually nonexistent media coverage of XFL games.  Most media outlets like ESPN and Fox treated the league as a joke like it was another WWF TV show like Raw or Smackdown.  The only time they even bothered to mention the XFL was when the ratings were heading down a slippery slope and when the company finally closed its doors.

You can't really blame Vince that much.  His heart was in the right place when he wanted to spice up the game of American football by creating a brand new football league.  But when you start proclaiming your league will be better than the NFL and will change the face of American sports as we know it; that's not ballsy, that's just downright batshit insane.