During my childhood years, there was one video game that I truly adored time and time again -- Mega Man. Created by Capcom, Mega Man was unarguably one of the best series to appear on the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES). For those of you who've been living under a rock for the past 20 years or just have never picked up a game controller in your life, Mega Man simply deals with a boy robot stopping the nefarious Dr. Wily from taking over the world. Also, the games (except for the first one) all had 8 "robot masters" you had to defeat before reaching Dr. Wily's base for the final showdown.
But it looks like even for a mad genius, Dr. Wily's ideas for robot masters can begin to get a little loopy after you've been trying (and always failing) to take down the Blue Bomber. I'm guessing when you got ten Mega Man games - not to mention multiple spinoffs like Mega Man X and Mega Man Legends - it can be hard for Capcom to come up with new ideas for bosses to take down Mega Man. So today, we're going to take a look at some of the "robot masters" that are so absurdly stupid, even a six year old could come up with better ideas for Dr. Wily.
10. Plug Man (Mega Man 9)
Admit it; first thing running through your head was, "BUTT Plug Man!, hurr hurr." I can understand building a robot that's all about electricity and whatnot, but what the hell is he gonna plug himself to? Given the fact that Plug Man was featured in the first Mega Man game in over 10 years (not to mention Capcom surprisingly kept it old-school and used 8-bit graphics and audio for the game), you'd think Capcom would have enough time to come up with some badass bosses for the game. But with Plug Man, you just have to scratch your head with the dozens of questions that will pop up. For example, what if Plug Man fought in Europe? Would he be screwed? Sometimes Dr. Wily doesn't think things through like with this dope of a robot.
9. Split Mushroom (Mega Man X4)
It seems like even in the distant future, Mega Man still has to put up fighting against robots that look like they belong in an all robot-production of Wizard of Oz. For those of you uninitiated, Capcom spun off Mega Man with an all-new series in 1993 known as Mega Man X. Mega Man X is basically Mega Man upgraded for newer consoles like Super Nintendo and Sony Playstation and the bosses are now robot animals. So with Mega Man (now known as simply "X") taking on robot masters like "Blizzard Buffalo" or "Hot Dog", we somehow managed to get a mushroom as a villain for Mega Man X4.
I don't know how exactly those silly Japs at Capcom think that a mushroom is classified within the animal kingdom, but I can only presume it's Capcom's tribute to the hallucinogenic drug the development team takes while they were making the game.
8. Wood Man (Mega Man 2)
Oh my; along with Plug Man, Capcom sure seems to love to inject some sexual euphemisms into their Mega Man games.
Wood Man would make a great character for kids taking Science class and learning about the laws of psychics. When Mega Man fought Wood Man, wood was apparently stronger than steel and Mega Man could be killed by oak leaves. Just imagine Joker killing Batman with a big, pointy stick. Even if logic did prevail, I bet Mega Man would still be defeated as he'll die from laughter looking at Wood Man's retarded costume.
7. Oil Man (Mega Man: Powered Up)
In case if you're wondering, Mega Man: Powered Up is a remake of the first Mega Man game and got the whole "kawaii~ cutesy wootsy" treatment the Sony PSP. You know, I bet that even if Capcom America left Oil Man the same way he was in the Japanese version of Mega Man: Powered Up, no one would probably have notice because not that many people play the PSP to begin with.
6. Charge Man (Mega Man 5)
Awww, don't pout Charge Man. Just because Dr. Wily made you look like a walking, talking toy train doesn't mean you should get all emo on us.
Charge Man is a classic example in the Mega Man series that character design is pretty important when it comes to being taken seriously. Never mind the fact he looks like Thomas the Engine's bastard son who's pissed off daddy didn't pay his child support. Capcom didn't pull any punches in giving Charge Man the "goofy as fuck" treatment. To cut Charge Man some slack, the name is perfectly fine, but unfortunately the title doesn't fit when you have a toy train for a head.
5. Turbo Man (Mega Man 7)
The problem with Turbo Man is that he could have been possibly a cool boss, but wound up being a disastrous mess. Apparently the story behind the creation of Turbo Man is that Dr. Wily ran out of parts to create robots to do his dirty deeds, so he used parts from his old car to create Turbo Man. I don't know if Dr. Wily was a huge NASCAR fanatic, but by the looks of Turbo Man, it seems like he mugged a kid for his soapbox race car and installed an engine to it.
I think what makes Turbo Man so ridiculously bad are two things. One, he's got the same name as the super hero featured in Arnold Schwarznegger's Jingle All The Way Now, before you cry foul, Mega Man 7 came out before Jingle All The Way. But it's kind of humorous to think that Turbo Man from Mega Man 7 may have inspired the producers of the holiday flick to have the crazy Austrian dress up as "Turbo Man".
The other thing that makes Turbo Man a complete reject is the fact he looks like the world's worst Transformer ever. I'm pretty sure that if he applies for a job with either the Autobots or the Decepticons, he'll be laughed out from the job interview and retreat back to Wily's base where he'll cry himself to sleep.
4. Bright Man (Mega Man 4)
Aww shit nigga, Bright Man's ready to unleash a smackdown of some brightness in here! And also....well....that's about it. In theory, Bright Man would make a formidable robot master as his weapon is harnessing the power of the sun through his shining light bulb that would definitely blind his enemies. But considering that light bulbs are probably the most fragile object in the world, Bright Man would be truly fucked if it breaks. All Mega Man needs to do is to throw on some sunglasses and take one shot at the dummy's head to call it a night.
3. Top Man (Mega Man 3)
It only seems fitting that being a robot based on the worst toy ever would also have the worst weapon upgrade for Mega Man as well. Top Man is proof that after being beaten by Mega Man before, Dr. Wily just gave up in putting effort into his creation and just made the first thing that popped up in his mind. Probably Dr. Wily is Jewish and was playing with some dreidels when the thought popped in. If this Wily's homage to his Jewish ancestry, then more power to him (even though Top Man is a pretty stupid boss.)
2. Sheep Man (Mega Man 10)
It amazes me that with Mega Man 10 being released in 2009, this is the best Capcom could come up with to take on Mega Man. I don't know if Sheep Man's true purpose in the game was to be nothing more than a joke character, but it kind of irks me that it's a friggin' sheep with arms and legs. Once more, it's even got antennas on his back probably to ward off horny New Zealanders from raping him.
1. Bubble Man (Mega Man 2)
Only Dr. Wily could create a robot so ridiculously bad that it would make Aqua Man seem like a legitimate superhero. Speaking of which, I'm guessing Aqua Man commissioned Dr. Wily to create Bubble Man so that he wouldn't seem completely worthless among his fellow Justice League peers.
Where to begin with Bubble Man? The name itself is embarrassing enough. I mean for crying out loud, it's Bubble Man. That's implying the dude blows bubbles at his enemies.
And well, that's exactly what the case is. Bubble Man is nothing more than a fat, flipper-wearing green robot who's under the false impression that bubbles can harm Mega Man. Let's be reasonable Capcom; we know you make it seem like Bubble Man's bubbles can damage Mega Man, but who you trying to kid? Perhaps logic, but just imagine someone blowing bubbles in front of a military tank and causing extensive damage to it. If bubbles were dangerous, then North Korea should stock up on liquid soap to prevent an invasion.
In tribute, here's a lil' video made by some Japanese guy "honoring" the green sea blob of a robot. Don't give up Bubble Man!
