With a background in advertising and marketing, I know that it is the most critical thing to have for any business in order to survive. In plain English, it lets you know that "Hey, we're out there, so come on in and buy our stuff." You should know that effective advertising works like a charm and businesses have found success thanks to it.
With millions and millions of advertisements that have come and gone, there are bad ones that stick out to many people's mind and have cost companies dearly. Today we're going to take a look at some of the most "horribly gone wrong" television commercials throughout the history of modern advertising. Trust me, I'm shocked some of these companies remain in business after unleashing these turds, but I'm positive jobs have been lost over these.
Dis-honorable Mention: Eagle Man Car Insurance
It's already been hailed as probably the worst television commercials ever made by many, so I thought it should at least deserve some "recognition". I don't know if it's the two broads all high on weed or the guy dressed up as an eagle shitting on top of a car, but this is certainly a practice in making a hideous TV advertisement.
10. Ball Buster
Remember back in the 70's and 80's when sexually suggestive innuendos weren't as noticeable as it is today? While this commercial for Ball Buster did have some implications with the narrator sounding like Ed McMahon hosting a porn bloopers program, you should realize Meego was marketing this towards kids. Imagine what would happen today if some kid bought a Ball Buster board game to show 'n tell and proudly proclaim, "Last night, I was busting my daddy's balls!" Nothing but comedy and multiple parent-teacher conferences.
9. McDonald's - Dollar Menu
McDonald's isn't the only fast food chain to have done it. Burger King, Taco Bell, Wendy's, Sonic -- just about every purveyor of childhood obesity have featured a $1 menu one time or another. The biggest problem whenever someone tries to promote their dollar menu deals is that we -- the consumer -- are suppose to be in a world of disbelief where the sales tax has been eliminated or everyone has a tax exempt form handy so they don't have to pay tax on their one dollar, thumb-sized burger or two pieces of chicken nuggets.
I love how most of these commercials feature an average schmuck who makes it seem like he hasn't eaten since the Reagen administration and down on his last dollar; even though it looks like he's been to the most recent Abercrombie & Fitch sale. As he mosey on in to his nearest McDonald's, all is right in the world for the schmuck when he discovers the almighty dollar menu.
See, if you want to make the TV commercial more realistic, have the ad feature a homeless guy getting a dollar bill he begged for, go right into a McDonald's and ask for a $1 cheeseburger...only to discover it's all a lie. Afterwards, he goes all apeshit on the staff for failing to understand such a thing as sales tax.
8. Concerned Children's Advertisers - Hip Choice PSA
Back in the 80's, anti-drug commercials were all the rage here in America. Between every commercial block for kids' shows, there was at least one anti-drug ad by the Ad Council who damn sure made you know that drugs were EVIL. I'm guessing that the Ad Council didn't grasp the concept that if I was a drug dealer, I wouldn't necessarily have schoolyard kids as my target demographic.
While it was all harmless fun with American anti-dug commercials, our crazy neighbors to the North had a different idea. They wanted to make sure that the simple mention of the word "drugs" can be terrifying...or the puppeteer the Concern Children's Advertisers hired was on the same pills, heroin, and crack featured on the commercial. Either way, I bet this PSA would make Canadian children shit in their pants entering dark alleyways not so much to encounter drug dealers, but to encounter demonic puppets that swallow souls.
7. Microsoft - Bill and Jerry
Whether you use Microsoft products in stride or just loathe the damn company, everyone can agree that this one made no fucking sense and wasn't even funny at all. I do consider the hit TV show Seinfeld to be one of the best damn sitcoms ever, you need to realize that Bill Gates is no substitute for Larry David or Cosmo Kramer. There was actually some hype leading into the commercial's airing during Super Bowl XLI with this being Gates' public swansong as he teamed up with funnyman Jerry Seinfeld.
Yet, when the commercial finally aired, all we got was Gates and Seinfeld spending the day at the mall, buying shoes, eating churro sticks, and that's it. I think there was suppose to be comedy in there, but all I found was horrible, horrible dry-as-a-desert humor that would make Dennis Miller seem like the world's funniest comedian. Hell, this just makes the ho-hum series finale of Seinfeld seem like the best episode ever.
I believe this was suppose to be a commercial for Windows Vista, but it seems like it shouldn't have been a surprise why Vista sucked when its debut commercial sucked hard.
6. The General Automobile Insurance Services - RV Road Trip
I'm pretty certain we've come quite a long way in using 3D animation in commercials, but how come this looks like this was made by a fledgling animator in art school in the year 1993?
Despite the very amateurish 3D art, this commercial is loaded with "WTF" moments like how does that annoying tart of a softball player use the laptop computer with her baseball glove and what the hell does a poorly animated penguin wearing sunglasses have to do with getting proof of insurance. This commercial will just leave you scratching your head over and over again before you can finally figure out that they're trying to sell car insurance.
5. Sony Playstation 3 - Baby Doll
When you've been in the top of the video game industry for quite some time, there's good reason why Sony would be cocky. They single handedly beat out the competition such as Nintendo and Sega with the release of Sony Playstation 1 and 2 for over a decade. So when it came time to unleash a brand new system for the next generation of consoles in 2006, Sony said "fuck it" and handed its $150 million marketing budget to one of its intern. Little did they realize that the intern was a huge Aphex Twin fan and was a member of the Church of Satan. He got one of his CoS buddies to direct the film while conjuring up the souls of dead babies into this commercial.
I'd like to see what parents thought of this nightmare eye candy with no knowledge of video games at all. They probably were thinking, "Hey mom and dad! Wanna scare the shit out of your kids for eternity?!?! Get the PS3!!!" It looks like people weren't into having something that goes along with a demonic baby robot as Sony tanked in the console wars in last place and Nintendo went on to reclaim its spot as number one.
4. Optimum (Cablevision) Triple Play - Salsa Beach
It's a good idea for companies to target the Spanish demographics with the Hispanic population rising in the U.S. Here in New York, there is quite a large Puerto Rican and Dominican population, so it made sense for Cablevision to tailor its commercial for "Optimum Triple Play" to have a Latin theme behind it. However, even for a Puerto Rican who sure loved their salsa and meringue, you wanted to change the fucking channel because the commercial was that god damn annoying.
Admit it; you were ready to stab yourself in the eardrums when you heard them singing. I can imagine that if the FBI ever needed to get someone to spill the beans, they'd play this pure torture of an advertisement over and over again. By the way, I would've forewarned you about watching the clip, but I felt that all of you should see the amount of torture and rage I had to endure listening to that hole-in-the-wall strip club stripper nasally chant the number to call and yell at Cablevision for putting out such a shitty commercial.
3. Concerned Children's Advertisers - Don't Put It In Your Mouth PSA
I'm a firm believer of Darwinism, so if your kid is stupid enough to be chomping down on some quarters and other shiny objects, let the little bastard choke. Unfortunately, there are some who don't believe in Darwinism and we ended up with this shitstorm of a PSA.
Once again, the Concerned Children's Advertisers committee used the same nightmarish tactics like they did with their Hip Choice anti-drug commercial. Bravo to them if they got children to think to never put random objects in their mouths or disturbing blue puppets will come over to haunt them. Otherwise, I think we should be more concerned about the mental state of the Concerned Children's Advertisers.
2. Nintendo Entertainment System - You Cannot Beat Us
I have a feeling English-speaking countries have a thing of producing TV commercials that's meant to scare the bejesus out of kids. Aired in Australia, Nintendo decided to give kids from the Land Down Under to worry more about playing Nintendo then getting snatched up by a dingo.
While Canada seemed to have more or less the right idea in scaring kids to not do drugs or be a complete moron, the marketers over at the Australian division of Nintendo have it all wrong. How are you able to convince children all across Australia to purchase a brand spanking new Nintendo Entertainment System when your commercial makes it seem like evil 3D characters that want to rape you pop up while you're playing the game? Also, why would I even want to get a video game that you can't win for shit at all when the commercial claims "YOU CANNOT BEAT US"?
I've heard of using reverse psychology in commercials for ironic purposes, but the Aussies working for Nintendo have a whole misunderstanding of it.
1. Campbell's Chicken Noodle Soup - Alien
This is wrong.....ALL WRONG. I really don't have much to say, but if I was that kid, I'd call both the national guard and the police if I had a creepy-as-fuck pedophile alien sitting alongside with me at the kitchen table as he lustfully watches me eat my chicken noodle soup. I never knew alien invaders had food fetishes that involves young children. I mean, let's face it; E.T. only came to Earth to fulfill his sick ass fetish involving young boys, bicycles, and Reese's Pieces.
